Soooooo Kanye "I'm A Crazy Person" West decided to make a 30-minute movie called Runaway in order to promote his new single Runaway (the movie features new Kanye West songs, including the single Runaway). I decided to document my experience...Runaway: An “As I Watch It” Description
Open on Kanye running. Cut to Kanye in an expensive car, speeding through the woods. Kanye rapping in the background of course. With only a few deer as witnesses, shit goes down. Fire everywhere, the car destroyed. The news thinks a comet has hit the earth, but in front of his car Kanye finds a beautiful winged-woman lying in front of his car. Clad in only the wings on her back and the trace amounts of feathers that wrap around to cover her naughtiest of parts, she awakes in Kanye’s apartment. She sees the news, which is explaining its theory. The TV is shut off, and Kanye has his first line: “First Rule In This World Baby, Don’t Pay Attention to Anything You See on the News.”
Boom. More music. More images of explosions. The winged outer space woman, who has two yellow, extra long fingernails on each hand, begins crawling around Kanye’s backyard, which features a rabbit, a sheep, and one of the deer from earlier. Inside, she does some sort of erotic dance. Kanye takes her to see fireworks. A marching band plays, but we don’t hear them over Rihanna. She laughs. There appears to be a giant blow-up Michael Jackson head in the center of the marching band.
Back home. Silence. She is very intrigued by an ornate mug.
More Kanye music. Cut to a long white dinner table in a large, otherwise empty warehouse. Everyone at dinner wears a nice white suit or dress, except of course for the unnamed woman from outer space with wings – though she does appear to have her hair done nicer and a brand new golden headpiece. She smells her soup, then picks up what looks like a bejeweled loaf of bread.
FUCKING EXCELLENT.
A woman just served water, then got silent, and the man next to Kanye looks at him and says, “Your Girlfriend is really beautiful.”
Kanye: “Thank You.”
Man: “Do You Know She’s A Bird?” (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Kanye: “Nah I Never Noticed That.” (NOO FUCKING WAY!!!!!!!)
Man: “I mean, like, is a monkey in a zoo?”
END. Yes. Holy Shit. Yes. Great Fucking Dialogue. This is fucking CHAOS!
Kanye walks to a random piano and hits a few keys. About twenty ballerinas run into the room. Back to Music. Plays that song that goes “Let’s Have a toast for the douche bags…” and they dance to it. The winged woman… err… bird watched intently in the background. Everyone toasts but her. It’s been a few minutes since I’ve seen any explosions – have they gone away from that? Line of note in the song: “24/7, 365, Pussy stays on my mind.” Lots of ballerina close-ups. Dragging on a lot, this is probably their big break. The Shins ballet idea was definitely ripped from Kanye. Oh my goodness who wants to get this on a big screen and have a viewing party?? It’s just one ballerina now, having a pretty long and intense solo. Kanye gives a half-bow with his hand over his heart. Everyone seems pleased as the ballerinas run out.
Back to dinner. NO WAY. They serve a giant turkey RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER!!! Her wings, now fully extended for the first time, are revealed to be fucking huge and begin to flutter. She backs up and starts crying and doing some weird bird scream thing as more Kanye music starts. Side Note: she now has long fingernails on all her fingers.
Cut to explosions – Phew, I was getting nervous. She is depressed and sitting next to the sheep. Cut to clouds.
Bird-Woman: “Can I ask you a question? All the statues that we see, where do you think they came from?”
Kanye: “I think that artists carved them years and years ago.”
Bird-Woman: “No. They Are Phoenix Turned To Stone.”
Kanye: (laughs) “Baby…
Bird-Woman: (interrupts) “They are phoenix turned to stone. Do you know what I hate most about your world? Anything that is different you try to change. Try to tear it down. You rip the wings off the phoenix and they turn to stone. And if I don’t burn, I will turn to stone.”
Kanye: “What do you mean burn?” (Kanye’s voice honestly sounds like a 3-year-old’s)
Bird: “If I don’t burn I can’t go back to my world.”
Kanye: “But I don’t want you to go back to your world. I want you to stay here with me.” (Is this shit ripped out of a kids movie or something? Peter Pan, don't leave Neverland?)
Bird: “I have to go back.”
Kanye: No. I’ll Never Let You Burn.
END CONVERSATION. WOODS by Bon Iver starts playing as they kiss for the first time. Fantastic! Great segue!
Cut to the bird-woman riding him, though Kanye is still in a full suit. Only 6 and a half more minutes of this masterpiece. Cut to another explosion (I guess he came?).
Overhead shot of backyard pans to show Kanye waking up on his sidewalk in a blue suit and slipper shoes. He goes into a dead sprint into the woods. Cut to explosion where bird-woman arises as a Phoenix!!!!! Cut back to Kanye’s sprint from the movie’s opening. It’s still the song where he samples Woods. She is flying above the woods. Now she is wearing a golden chest piece over her breasts. Shit is going down. This is a fucking must-watch for everyone. What looks like a comet is soaring straight up in the air, but we all know it’s her, the unnamed bird woman from a different world, the phoenix.
The End.
FUCK. I wanted that shit to last forever. I was cheated of the last three minutes because I wasn’t anticipating the credits. Rookie mistake I guess. I do recommend listening to the ridiculous thing that plays during the credits.
Anyways, here's the movie... Do Enjoy...
Ps. Does anyone remember this?
