A Demigod's Thirst

As Bobbyseus traveled thus with Penelope and his men-at-arms, their party came upon a wry old man under the shade of a Bodhi tree.  The old man, pointed his rheumatic finger at Bobbyseus, saying you are indeed the son of Zeus, wary thou must be to avoid the pitfalls en route to thine kingdom.  Bobbyseus, though troubled by the words of the aged man, could afford to pay little heed to his words, thinking of course that such pitfalls meant the presupposed battle with Demophon and Usurpius.  Onward the demigod trekked, his woman and warriors following behind as he struck any who attempted to pass him.  As they passed field and vale, Bobbyseus began to thirst and called to a nearby field hand.  “ Lo! Come and allow me to slake mine thirst with thine drink”.  Little did the god-man know that Hades had taken the form of a field hand as part of his dastardly plot.  The field hand handed Bobbyseus the amphora of wine saying, “This is indeed strong fermented juice of the grapevine.  Much of its fructose hath been converted to ethanol by yeast.”  Bobbyseus said nothing and drank the whole hardened clay container in one gulp.  To Hades’ surprise the hero still stood before him unaffected. With words unslurred ere the alcohol entered his divine bloodstream, Bobbyseus called for more of it.  Hades summoned yet another amphora and then another.  Bobbyseus’ power grew with each container, soon he was spewing words of insight about human nature and why mortals sucketh.  Then he spaketh of his love for Penelope.  Finally he became surly and filled with rage for Hades had run out of amphorae.  Hades thought to himself, “Alas my plan has failed!  I have given him Athenian Gentleman, the greatest poison in all the land.  Perhaps he cannot be felled by such a mortal concoction.”  Hades was nothing if not cunning (from the Middle English cunting which in turn yields the modern English c-word), and soon devised a plan B, which reminded him he needed to stop by the agora and pick up some for Persephone.  He gave unto Bobbyseus a small vial containing a protein shake of ambrosia and nectar.  Bobbyseus in his great wisdom, took the vial without a chaser and then shattered the empty vessel upon the earth in a fit of rage.  His work done, Hades headed to the nearest agora and Bobbyseus staggered forward leading his company towards the city of Argos and thereby, his destiny.