My new Haircut

Thus it was, that in the senescence of the year Hades began to plot anew against the Son of Zeus.  As the shadows stretched across the Earth, the mane of Bobbyseus grew longer still, flow now stronger than the current of the great Aliakmonas.  With his hair grew too his power, for Bobbyseus was quickly approaching the divine though still bound by his earthly form.  The Lord of the Dead’s previous failure to destroy Bobbyseus rankled in both the mind and halls of Hades, empty echoes amplifying the rage of the dread lord. At last the burka draped across his mind was cast off, and Hades knew now what must be done.  Hades drew from a pomegranate twelve seeds and dropped them into an amphora of the finest Athenian Gentleman.   While ingesting the seeds would doom the average partaker to an unending sleep amongst the dead, Hades knew it would only send Bobbyseus into the clutches of Morpheus for a few hours.  His plan laid out, Hades took the form or an elderly beggar and went to Thebes.  Once there he worked his way towards the palace and waited.  God among men, Bobbyseus soon passed by, the carcass of a boar hefted across his corded shoulders.  Hades said unto the demigod, “ Hail son of Zeus, whose drinking ability is as boundless as the heavens!”  Bobbyseus was pleased by the old man’s deference and said jovially, “I do drink the most, yea”. Hades then made his move, saying that even a demigod would have troubled stomaching the pomegranate infused Gentleman.  To this challenge Bobbyseus’s ire rose.  He grabbed the bottle and said unto the crowd gathered, “Yea, and though I drink the most, this pauper has challenged your king.  Should I accept this shitty offering?”  The crowd slowly began to chant “Bobbyseus drinks the most!  Bobbyseus drinks the most!”.  His ego thus sated, Bobbyseus chugged the bottle, belched loudly, threatened those near him with cries of, “Fuck you, bro” and then fell into a slumber.  The crowd beat their breasts and gnashed their teeth in agony as their dear leader fell before the beggar, who now revealed himself not as a man at all, but Hades, Lord of the Underworld.  Taking the pair of scissors once used by the fates to cut life strands, Hades then cut the flowing locks of Bobbyseus, till the demigods head was as barren as they crags of Mount Olympus.  Laughing maniacally, Hades transformed yet again into 4 horses and their hooded riders.  Upon a white steed the power of Conquest, upon a red mare rode War.  Famine galloped away atop a black stallion, while Death incarnate sat upon a pale horse.  Thus did Hades unleash the full power of the underworld upon the above world, and all that was once good and green and whole among humanity was rent apart.  Hours later Bobbyseus awoke, liver and head pounding.  Insatiably thirsty, he bent to drink from the Well of Thebes, only to find it red with the blood of his people.  In it he saw a ruined shell of the demigod he once was.  His mane had gone and with it, his powers.  He was doomed now to walk the Earth a mortal man, while the wrath of Hades spread ever further.  In the midst of despair, he fell upon the ground and began to weep, which served only as sustenance for his terrible thirst.  In the eleventh hour, Zeus took pity upon his son and descended from Olympus to speak with him.  Appearing as an old beggar (The ancient Gods lacked imagination)  Zeus helped his forsaken son to his feet.  “ Bobbyseus, my son, why dost thou weep as a woman?”  “My father, I am doomed now to watch Hades run roughshod upon this Earth without the means to stop him.  My hair, its…its gone! And with it my power!”  As Bobbyseus began to weep anew, Zeus began to laugh.  “My son, just because your flow hath been taken from you by the Lord of Death does not mean your power must follow suit.  Tell me, though your locks have been shorn, do your abs no longer glisten in the rays of the Sun?  Are your arms no longer rippling with the power of the gods?  Do your traps no longer reach up to tickle your ears? Does…?”  Bobbyseus interrupted the Thunder God, saying, “ Enough father, I know now what must be done, and just how I will do it.  Though I am a broken man, my divine nature remains unbent.  Sick flow or not, I will not fall to Hades, for though my hair needs me, the world needs me more!”  With that he marched to the four corners of the flat Earth and cast down the horseman of Hades.  Defeated yet again, Hades retreated to the underworld to plot yet again.  Bobbyseus was then hailed King not just of Argos, but of Greece itself.