TD: America in Denmark

Ok, so for those of you participating in this blog that don't know...I'm spending my semester in Copenhagen, Denmark. Since I've been here, I've been going out to mostly pubs but last night I was dragged to a club in which they charged me 80 Kroner (about 16 dollars) to get in and then another 20 Kroner for the coat check (about 4 dollars). It was mostly 18 year old Danish hipsters either in high school or their first year of college. Mixed in were several Americans all from DIS (my study abroad school). It wasn't until I went to the bathroom around 12 30 AM that my night turned around. I'm standing there, peeing into the silver bowl and a group of Danes behind me starting singing Country Roads by John Denver in a Danish accent. Then a few more join in. As each new Dane enters the bathroom he starts bellowing the song, every word spot on. By the time I'm ready to exit, there are nearly forty Danes singing Country Roads at the top of their longs. I even joined in for a phrase or two.

Now I'm not an avid Denver fan, or a fan of that particular song; but when your in a strange country, surrounded by foreign languages and funny "O's" that have lines through them, its very pleasant to stumble across American subtleties that you brutally take for granted at home. I'm not trying to be sappy but as I exited the bathroom I ran into a fellow DISer laughing with excitement. Being away from home makes me crave the "cheesey" things about America that makes me hate it when I'm there. Hearing Lady Gaga, 50 cent, or in last nights case, John Denver at a bar would normally make me cringe...but not when I'm 3,500 miles away.

PT: Most Listened to of 2010

It's early in the year, so I obviously can't have a list of my favorite songs or albums of 2010 (although Contra seems to be a certain lock for a top 5 spot, just the same as Merriweather Post Pavillion was last year). However, I'm bored and it's 1:42 a.m. in Ghana so I thought I would take advantage of my interweb connection and write about my top ten listened to songs since arriving in "The Gold Coast."

10) Lisztomania - Phoenix
This is a phenomenal song, one that gets trumped by the poppier 1901, but has as much potential to be a hit. It starts out with great lyrics and an interesting rhythm to keep you hooked.
9) Left and Right in the Dark - Julian Casablancas
This is a bit of a corny song off of Phrazes for the Young, but it's synths and guitar riff keep it on replay for me, as well as Julian wailing, "How long must you wait?"
8) What Would I Want? Sky - Animal Collective
The first song with an officially licensed Grateful Dead sample has a great mix with Avey Tare's vocals and Panda Bear's Brian Wilson-esque backup vocals during the second verse. Very catchy tune that is worth the 99 cents on iTunes.
7) Diplomat's Son - Vampire Weekend
The M.I.A. sample mesh well with Ezra's vocals, sounding as smooth as ever. After their self-titled debut, the Colombia boys were compared alot to Paul Simon, but this is the song that really does it for me. Also, Ezra goes so far as to mention smoking a joint. How risque!
6) I'm Not There - Bob Dylan
I've watched the movie a few times, and each time I do I rewind it to here the song. In my opinion, it contains one of Dylan's best lines of all time; "No I don't belong to her/I don't belong to anybody." That Dylan, man, so cool.
5) Elliott Smith - Abused
This is hard for me to say, but this is one of those few Elliott songs I DON'T have on my computer. A crime, I know, but I've watched the Kogepan youtube video of it over and over again. The guitar has a nicely built progression, and he really challenges his vocal skills. Very reminiscent of Paul McCartney.
4) Cat Power - Sea of Love
The other day I heard a reggae version of the song and I cried a little bit because of how much better Chen's stripped down version is. Absolutely gut-wrenching tune.
3) Elliott Smith featuring Jon Brion - Jealous Guy
John Lennon was a true lyrical genius, but this is the version that gets me every time. The whistle solo in the middle adds some much needed laughter to Elliott's music.
2) The Kinks - Waterloo Sunset
London's Anthem is one of The Kink's finest songs in a catalogue filled with gems. Lyrically, it's filled with fantastic imagery, while it's musically simple. A great mix from one of the greatest bands of all time.
1) In the Flowers - Animal Collective
How could it be anything else for me? I fell in love with the opening track off of Merriweather as soon as I heard the first note. Some of their most poignant lyrics stacked on top of a great musical swell at the 2:30 mark make the song great, but the final verse is what makes the song one of their best to date. "Early hours, drunken days finally ended/And the streets turn for pillowcase." Ah A.C., you do it to me every time.

SB: The Burrito

In my opinion, burrito making is an art, and it is a rarity that we find a true master of the craft. After indulging in one too many improperly assembled Moe’s Triple Lindy’s, I truly appreciate a good burrito and I would like to share with you what it consists of. First off it must have a warm tortilla. A warm tortilla becomes an adhesive and allows the burrito to stay whole for the duration of consumption and thus allows you to thoroughly enjoy your meal. Next, I believe a hearty burrito must have melted cheese. It is a rarity to find a place that automatically melts to cheese, but trust me it is worth the quest. From here the contents are really up to you. I don’t really have a preference on the type of meet, however I do highly recommend the carnitas at Chipotle. Pico is a must. Maybe some lettuce or fresh vegetables. Add sour cream maybe some guac and you got yourself an mm mm good delicious meal! For future burrito consumption one MUST go to Anna’s Taqueria, which is located in both Brookline and Alston Massachusetts.

Thanks for your time!

Peace, love, and burritos,

Shauna B

PT: A Message from Ghana

Next time you see a street vendor, give him a hug. I'm serious. You have no idea how relieving it is to deal with people in New York City after one day on the main streets in Accra, Ghana. Here, "it's nice to be nice." That translates to, "buy my shit or you're a total dick." And that translates to, "Not only are you a dick but a racist that brings Babylon to the rastafarian people of Ghana. One love. And the price is double what it should be."
These vendors not only try to drag every possible Cedi (currency over here) out of you, they will follow you wherever you go just to get something. If that means following you for ten blocks, so be it. I'm a white American so I must have money to throw around on a, "one-of-a-kind necklace with Africa on it" that was strangely offered to me three blocks ago by another fake rasta trying to make a dishonest dollar.
So honestly, next time you're on Canal Street and a vendor marks up the price by one American dollar or talks to you just a minute longer than you would like, hug him for me.

(Besides the vendors and the hate crime against me, Ghana is a fantastic place.)

JF: "In Which I am Goddamn Terribly Disappointed" or "In Which I Steer Dangerously Close to Making a Point"

Ed Note - Jerard Fagerberg is by no means a political expert nor does he represent the overarching or general political views of TSTLN. He is merely a middle-class liberal-minded college student cliche with stereotypical optimism that unsupported by substantial knowledge of political strategy or general knowledge about the ways of the world. He does, however, have the head turning outrage you typically entrust to the talking heads on NBC so we openly publish his opinion regardless.

Today has been an ugly day for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. For those of you who don't know, today Scott Brown (a republican) was selected (by the people) to fill Ted Kennedy's vacant senate seat. Though Brown will be up for reelection in November during the midterm elections, his victory is seen as a setback in Kennedy's lifelong campaign for universal health care.

Kennedy, who sat for Massachusetts in the senate for an astounding 46 years, was a stalwart liberal who championed the cause of social medicine. It was his life's work. His recent death has been surrounded by an ongoing debate over health care reform. The Obama administration -which the right has been quick to name "a bunch of fuckstick Communists who want to give Mexicans free hospital visits and, in general, all our fuckin' money, goddamnit" - supports a socialized medicine system (not exactly social medicine, per se, just something akin to it) and needed District Attorney Martha Coakley to gain a strategic majority in the Senate. With Coakley's concession to Brown tonight, Senator Kennedy's dream has suffered a terrible loss.

As a lifelong resident of Massachusetts, I've been weaned on this theory. Specifically, the theory that all people have value and, therefore, should not be punished for being in a lower tax bracket. I will not apologize for this Northeast liberal bias, it's simply who I am. I am not a Communist, though I believe Marx had good intentions. I am not even a Democrat, I'm a registered independent who is fed up withe the change-fearing old boys club the Republican party has become. Simply, universal health care is the most perfect answer right now. No, it is not perfect but it is a start. There must be great reform in the illegal alien debate before a permanent system can be instilled.

We were supposed to be the generation that called for change. The one that was pushing politics to evolve with grace instead of piloting a country of bankers with their heads in the sand. We elected Obama because we thought the light was gonna shine. There was supposed to be progress. Were we all just optimism-prone freethinkers with no respect for the real world?

Maybe the media is getting to us (yeah, that's right, the liberal media and it's left-wing agenda). Newspapers and 11 o'clock programs are telling us nothing is changing, that Obama was all campaign promises and now it's coming back to haunt us. Republicans are calling "Hope" a pipe dream and Democrats are jumping to the GOP just a year and a half into the turnaround. Now, in the shadow of a slowly rising economy and a debate leaning towards progress in the health sector, the change generation - the NOW generation - is losing their battle for rebirth.

We gave in to political shitflinging. Sitting in front of the television yesterday, I watched Coakley and Brown trade insults via campaign ads for hours on end. It was a goddamn onslaught of misleading fact skews and slanted language. Coakley, who once built her campaign around he past accomplishments and ability to progress, had reverted to labeling Brown a Bush sympathizer who was out to sabotage the Obama agenda.

This is not the strategy that birthed America's first black president. This was a cowardly decision that put us into the passenger seat of a car stuck in reverse. By giving the seat of the great Ted Kennedy (say what you will about the man's personal life) over to the Republicans, the change we so willfully elected to see will have to wait, to build and hopefully not die, until we can agree on a system that best benefits the States.

CW: Ignorant Peace

Greetings blogosphere, my name is Christie and I will be joining you in this experimental journey we call life. I am a bit late (what did you expect?) but am pleased to have the freedom to speak my mind on random spatterings. Let's do this...

At home I never understood why my thoughts always wavered from those of my family members. To paint a picture, my family has always been practicing Catholics, dedicated Republicans, and obvious conservatives. My family is well-off, completely content with their livelihood, and unaware of controversial worldly concerns. Because my parents have always accepted these views, they passed them down to their children so we do not have to worry about forming opinions in a hostile world. I am number five of seven children; I am the youngest of four girls; all three of my sisters have blonde hair and blue eyes, whereas I have brown hair and brown eyes. Although our differing phenotypes are not the reason why I have different opinions, it simply emphasizes our dissimilarity. I never truly realized the sheltered environment of my upbringing until I went to college and lived on my own. Living on my own, three hours away from anyone who knew me, I became open to a new scope of issues that I was resolute to form my own opinion on. My first stance: nuclear war.

During Christmas break I went home and shared some of my new views with my family. My older brother George, who has also formed his own opinions against my family’s by leaving the Catholic church and leaning towards a liberal side, intently listened to and discussed my concerns. My mother and father were completely turned off and taken aback; did they not send me to a good Jesuit university? What did they do wrong in my upbringing? As I continued my harangue on a need for change and warning against a corrupt government, they sat silently, not knowing what to say. I confided in my older sister, Joy, searching for answers to why my parents seemed uncaring about issues I felt so deeply about. However, she was probably not the best person to go to considering the fact that her fiancé is a nuclear weapons engineer who my parents love, partly because he is smart and well paid. This single example of my family is not unlike the rest of other Americans who are concerned with their own busy lives and unaware of worldly issues, like the threat of nuclear war.

What use does the world have with 26,000 nuclear weapons if almost all countries agreed not to use them? Why would a leader want to detonate a weapon that can kill hundreds of millions of people in a few hours and bring about the end of human civilization? History shows that the continual race for weapons of mass destruction is extremely unsettle and unpredictable. The effects of a single nuclear device are detrimental to all humankind. Americans today are ignorant to these facts because they lollygag through their trifling lives surrounded by different means of entertainment. Just because the threat of nuclear weapons is not as widely talked about in recent years, does not mean that people should stop concerning themselves with this issue. Personal events through recent months have brought these American ignorances to my attention. Although it is not often talked about, the threat of nuclear war is constantly viable and Americans should be more aware.

Now, I could research and write a 30 page paper on the history of nuclear weapons and its harmful effects (one day I definitely will), but as I sit in my house for the 3rd day in a row continually looking at my new "W" tattoo, eating organic chips, listening to Jimmy Cliff, and wearing a beater, that seems too ambitious. Instead let me give you an example of the ignorance and fashion-forwardness of America... Every day it is guaranteed you will see someone wearing a peace sign, whether it be a shirt, shoes, hat, jacket, earrings (guilty), bracelett (guilty), ring, pants, skirt, you name it, you'll see it. This is all fine and good, I am certainly for peace, but do these people know what bold statement they are making?

The forked peace symbol was designed in the late 1950’s as a sign for nuclear disarmament. The symbol itself is a combination of the naval semaphore flag signals for the letters "N" and "D," standing for Nuclear Disarmament. In semaphore the letter "N" is formed by a person holding two flags in an upside-down "V," and the letter "D" is formed by holding one flag pointed straight up and the other pointed straight down. These two signals imposed over each other form the shape of the peace symbol. Take a look!!Because the world is ignorant to the possibility of international peace there were many improprieties into the meaning of the symbol saying that it resembles a bird foot in a cage, implying that Americans and peace activists are coward chickens. Other falsities include the belief that it represents an upside down crucifix with the arms broken, suggesting the way that St. Peter was martyred or as an antichrist symbol of Jesus on the broken cross of Christianity. Others have claimed that the symbol resembles a medieval sign known as "Nero's Cross" that represents Satanism. Designer Gerald Holtom’s explanation of the symbol does not support those interpretations. He felt that peace was something to be celebrated and achieved, not distorted and neglected. Unlike these nonbelievers’ ideas, nuclear weapons extinction and peace is possible.

So call me a hippie as my little brothers do, call me a dreamer...I'm not the only one. Let's continue spreading the peace symbol, but let's just know what it means. As a famous fbook bumper sticker once said, "Peace is not a fashion statement, it's a state of mind."

The world's a disco ball,
Christie

JG: ummm.

I dip my Wendy’s chicken nuggets in my frosty. Call me old fashioned (or fat), but that shit is delicious. Don’t hate. Try it. I’m sure most of you enjoy both treats separately, so why not combine the two powers to make one superdelicious superpower, perfect for stoners and all other fast food enthusiasts. I am not the only one, Chris Saksa does this to. Now I know a lot of you are thinking, ‘well i dip my fries in my frosty, but my nuggets, that just seems disgusting’. You’re wrong. Try it. Just try it. Classic chocolate or new vanilla, either flavor. It doesn’t matter. It’s still delicious. I’ll give you some time to find your nearest neighborhood Wendy’s now. Go on, embrace it. You only live twice, and who knows which one your on.

MM: Some Poetry for Insomniacs

For all those insomniacs out there that are awake at 4 in the morning like me, here is a poem for you by Wislawa Szymborska, a Polish Nobel-Prize-winning poet who is freakin' awesome.

Four A.M.
The hour between night and day.
The hour between toss and turn.
The hour of thirty-year-olds.

The hour swept clean for roosters' crowing.
The hour when the earth takes back it's warm embrace.
The hour of cool drafts from extinguished stars.
The hour of do-we-vanish-too-without-a-trace.

Empty hour.
Hollow. Vain.
Rock bottom of all the other hours.

No one feels fine at four A.M.
If ants feel fine at four A.M.,
We're happy for the ants. And let five A.M. come
if we've got to go on living.


And here's another one that's one of my favorites.

Under One Small Star
My apologies to chance for calling it necessity.
My apologies to necessity if I'm mistaken, after all.
Please, don't be angry, happiness, that I take you as my due.
May my dead be patient with the way my memories fade.
My apologies to time for all the world I overlook each second.
My apologies to past loves for thinking that the latest is the first.
Forgive me, distant wars, for bringing flowers home.
Forgive me, open wounds, for pricking my finger.
I apologize for my record of minuets to those who cry from the depths.
I apologize to those who wait in railway stations for being asleep today at five a.m.
Pardon me, hounded hope, for laughing from time to time.
Pardon me, deserts, that I don't rush to you bearing a spoonful of water.
And you, falcon, unchanging year after year, always in the same cage,
your gaze always fixed on the same point in space,
forgive me, even if it turns out you were stuffed.
My apologies to the felled tree for the table's four legs.
My apologies to great questions for small answers.
Truth, please don't pay me much attention.
Dignity, please be magnanimous.
Bear with me, O mystery of existence, as I pluck the occasional thread from your train.
Soul, don't take offense that I've only got you now and then.
My apologies to everything that I can't be everywhere at once.
My apologies to everyone that I can't be each woman and each man.
I know I won't be justified as long as I live,
since I myself stand in my own way.
Don't bear me ill will, speech, that I borrow weighty words,
then labor heavily so that they may seem light.

If you wanna check more of her stuff out, she's got a few collections of poems -- Poems New and Collected has pretty much everything she's written, though there's some newer ones out there on the Internets if you look up her name.

Peace Out!
Meag

CR & MM: Introducing: The Spring Olympics

On February 12, 2010, the Winter Olympics will kick off in Vancouver, featuring competitions between countries in celebrated sports such as ice skating, speed skating, skiing, bobsledding, ice hockey, and many other sports of the snowy, icy variety. In two years, the Summer Olympics will take place in London featuring gymnastics, basketball, sailing, track, and other sports that aren’t snowy or icy.

The approaching Winter Games got two TSTLN bloggers thinking: why don’t the excellent seasons of spring and autumn have their own Olympics? They are certainly worthy – who doesn’t love sitting outside on a nice sunny day in May, sipping on lemonade as butterflies fly past? And the sweet sights and smells of November as the colorful leaves coat the ground and mothers bake cookies and pumpkin pies are certainly enjoyable. In fact, what’s so great about the freezing temperatures of winter or the sticky, sunburn-prone atmosphere of summer?

In response to this blatant disrespect for spring and autumn, Chris Robinson and Meag McKeron have put together a Spring Olympics. Autumn Olympics are in the works, but until then the Spring Games will carry the torch for both of the seasons. There are four categories of events: Discontinued Sports, Old School Sports, Weird Sports, and Original Sports (a trio of events thought up by CR and MM themselves).

Discontinued Sports

These Spring Olympics will be the stage for the return of events past generations saw as an unqualified means of competition. This will be a renaissance of early 20th century sporting, and it will create a new appreciation for those ghosts of games past (now present). Now without further ado, we present three previously discontinued sports that will make their re-debut in the First Spring Olympics.

Tug-of-war (Last Seen in 1920): Two teams of eight try to pull a rope six feet; if neither team reaches the mark after five minutes, the team that pulled the farthest won. This is the ultimate test of team strength. During a tug-of-war match, the masculinity of a Nation lies on the brawn of eight of their countrymen. The roaring 20s were not a favorable time for the Americans in this event. The Germans and Eastern European countries (Poland, Russia, etc.) cleaned up on the medals in the early 1900s. When the great Depression hit the world economy in the 30s, rope production was nearly nonexistent making this event unsustainable until now.

Motor boating (1908): Three categories of races in boats; IOC later decided against allowing anything with a motor. Four years later motorboating was left out of the 1912 Olympics because all boating activities became a sensitive subject after the tragic sinking of the Titanic. Forgotten by tragedy, this event will make a comeback but in a different culture with numerous definitions of motorboating. America, particularly from the nook known as Silicone Valley, is projected to lead the USA to a gold in a rediscovered art.

Pigeon shooting (1900): Held only once in 1900. It was the only event in which animals were intentionally killed. Pigeons have pissed us off enough that we don’t mind killing them; PAPA(People Against Pigeon Atrocities) has given its support in bringing back this event.

A spokesman of PAPA, Papa Jerry, said in an interview, “Those fighting sumofbitches are gettings too arrogant, they walks in my way when I’m trying to go to the CVS…it needs to end now.”

This event is seen as killing two birds with one stone; enjoying the recreation of killing helpless animals and also eliminating a practically pointless population of pest. The Japanese are surprisingly favored in this event, with their sure shot in Ash Ketchum (former owner of numerous Franchise chains of Pidgey Slaughterhouses). Once a lover of these insignificant birds, he now has decided to use them as a scapegoat for his loss in the World Championship to the Frenchman Gary.

The results from 1900 of this highly popular massacre of pigeons are as follows:
Leon de Lunden (Belgium) 21 birds killed
Maurice Faure (France) 20 birds killed
Donald MacIntosh (Australia) 18 birds killed
*Sir Vickerson (USA) 3,258 birds killed-originally given gold but later stripped of his medal because PETA found that he was illegally racing greyhounds at his estate.

Old School Sports

Four square, capture the flag, tag, kickball, hide and seek. Who can recall actually learning how to play any of these games? These games are programmed into our genome. Some people are slightly more gifted, but all are knowledgeable of the rules when they are thrown into the belly of the beast known as first grade recess. We are taught early in life to succeed in these sports or suffer ridicule, years of sitting at the loser table, a poor sense of self, and family shame. The courts at recess are where you defended your family’s honor. Now these same kids will defend your Nation’s honor in the games of our childhood. Old school games are notorious for getting out of hand because of the lack of officiating. In the spirit of the games there will continue to be no officials.

Four square: Agility, creativity, endurance, and stubbornness are the main skills that allow one to succeed in this arena of champions. It’s widely known that the best athletes tend not to be the victors but those stubborn enough not to leave when called out. Those who are able to convince others to a “redo” tend to achieve greatness for their Countries. The Soviet Union was furious back in 1978 when they suffered defeat to the Australians on the “Phantom line” call.

An account from Alexander Molatav( Soviet Union King square man):
“We have failed our motherland. I have brought great shame to our people; to my ancestors and their ancestors. I cannot sleep with this burden of defeat on my chest. Those Kangaroo-loving brothers have torn our country apart. One day the motherland will regain her former glory. I am too ashamed to walk the streets of St. Petersburg. Riots and talks of revolution have spurred from this defeat.”

This should be enough to rally national sentiments for all. Play ball.

Hide and Seek: Japan will win this hands down. They have ninjas!!! But legend of a Balloon Boy has risen in the U.S. Mountain west.

Kickball: A staple in recreational history. All that is needed is a rubber ball, a dirt field, and bases. A poor man’s sport played in the slums and vacant lots of urban jungles. Brazil had been the powerhouse of this sport until they became too complacent trying to play “Kickball Bonita.” Japan is considered a mainstay in the sport with their disciplined approach. The US lobbied hard to get this sport into the Spring Olympics…their strategy; “to Kick the shit out of that ball – get some,” as quoted by General Manager Adam Vinateri.


Weird Sports

Every once in a while, a sport comes along that is unlike any other. The Winter and Summer Olympics frown upon these sports, considering them too strange and uncivilized to be included in their Games. The Spring Olympics, on the other hand, appreciates the individuality and uniqueness that these sports promote, so it has included them in the event lineup.


Quidditch: This sport is well known across the world because of some lady named J.K. Rowling who wrote some book called Harry Potter. The Brits are favored to win because Harry Potter technically belongs to them and therefore Quidditch abilities come more naturally, but every country has put together a pretty strong team so it’s really a toss up. Some of the rules have been changed to accommodate Muggles and their inability to fly on broomsticks or enchant balls to fly or attack people, but the same general concept remains: catch the Golden Snitch to end the game, and whoever has the most points wins.

The game takes place on a field the size of a soccer field, with three 10-foot high hoops. Three Chasers run around trying to throw a volleyball through hoops at the opposite end of the pitch. Each goal earns 10 points for the team. Two Beaters run around with a supply of golf balls and peg them at opponents. Any part of the body is fair game. A Keeper guards the hoops, and a Seeker runs around the pitch looking for a golden marble nestled somewhere in the grass. Once the golden marble is found, the Seeker must run and deposit it in a circle drawn in the center of the pitch to receive 150 points for his team, which usually is enough to secure a victory unless a Keeper really sucks. Tackling, punching, tickling, spitting, and tripping of any kind is allowed.

Shin Kicking: Have you ever been so mad at someone that you literally wanted to kick them in the shins? Well there is a sport out there for you where you can release this anger effectively and not get arrested for assault. Shin kicking started in England in the 1600s and is still played to this day, though campaigns to have it included in the Olympics have been continuously ignored (until now!). Its title says it all: two competitors face each other, holding onto the opponent’s shoulders, and when the whistle blows they wreak havoc on their opponent’s shins. Kicks above the knee are strictly forbidden – this is shin kicking, not knee-cap shattering, let’s not get carried away. Once a competitor has weakened their opponent’s shins enough to push them to the ground, they have won the first round. Best out of three wins. The only protection allowed is hay stuffed into the legs of the pants.

While this sport also originated in England, the advantage goes to the Chinese competitors, who consider getting kicked in the shins nothing compared to what their government would do to them for bringing dishonor upon their country after losing.

Competitive Eating: How this sport has been ignored by the Summer and Winter Olympic committees for so long is beyond us. It requires concentration, speed, agility, and most importantly, self control (vomiting means disqualification). After months of discussion over what food to use for the event, hotdogs narrowly beat out hot wings. Due to the dangerous nature of hot dogs (choking is one of the leading causes of death for children, and hotdogs are the number one culprit), no one under the age of 21 will be allowed to compete for their country. Whoever consumes the most hotdogs in the allotted time wins. The US has this one in their pocket, considering it holds the title as the fattest country in the world, though all of the Asian countries are sure to put up a fight due to their weapon of fast metabolisms hidden within their small frames.

Original Sports

The following three events were added solely to put the Spring Olympics a step above the rest by demanding extreme physical ability, courage, intelligence, and perseverance. Compete at your own risk.

Badass Mother-Loving Obstacle Course: Some participating countries have called for a ban of this infamous event. Others have decided to not to participate thereby receiving scorn and ridicule from the powerhouse countries such as Timor-Leste, Seychelles, Nicaragua, Mauritania, USA (obviously), and the small but mighty city-state known as the Vatican City. It was rumored that WWII started because the Polish were calling the Germans “soft” and “sissy-girls”. Furthermore, The Spanish Conquistadors witnessed the Mayans engaging in this ritualistic sport in the 17th century. Cortez noted in his diary that the natives called the lethal sport, “el curso de muerte y tiburones” (it was unknown why they spoke Spanish already).

All in all, this sport has taken hundreds if not thousands of lives, and those men (women were banned until recently because there was a high correlation between infertility and falling boulders) died with great honor. Their blood and dedication immortalized in the spirit of the event.

This sport is in all purposes a big obstacle course race. Only two gold medals have been awarded- one to a young Belgian named Jean Claude van Damme, and the other to the “The Hero of the Vatican” Pope Pius VIII in 1829. Drenched in history, mystique, blood, and eternal glory- The BML Obstacle course beckons only the worthy. Who will answer the call…and not allow it to go to voicemail (real cool)?

(click for larger image of Badass Mother-Loving Obstacle Course)

First leg: Swim/float 1 nautical mile while trying to avoid baby freshwater nurse sharks ( some with laser beams on their heads).
Second leg: A brutal 26.3 mile run on hot coals. This is where the indigenous Big-Ass angry elephant is introduced. This leg is informally known as “Lucifer’s footrace.”
Third Leg: Enter “900 neck of the Woods” woods- a treacherous and dense woods with many barriers, such as the flying squirrels from hell and an occasional stampede of global warming protesters. Both are sure to occur. The only good part of this leg is the elephant tends to tire by now.
Final leg: The ascent to the peak of Mt. Doom (El Montana del Doomo). This mountain might not seem daunting at a height of 2,012 meters, but there seems to be an unlimited amount of boulders that continually are falling from its merciless flanks. This final leg has been celebrated in song/literature for hundreds of years; more recently in Miley Cyrus’s “The Climb” (2008).


Monopolyathon: This event is the classic game of Monopoly with a twist. This high-stakes game requires both economic prowess and physical excellence from its competitors. The rules are as follows:
1. The goal of the game is still the same: create an empire that eventually pushes everyone into bankruptcy. The path to creating that monopoly is where things change.

2. Forget Chance and Community Chest cards, those are too ordinary for Monopolyathon.

Chance cards have been replaced with Physical Challenge cards. All competitors will be required to compete in various challenges, and the winner gets to choose a property of their choice or can receive $200 dollars from the bank.

Examples of some challenges:
**Arm Wrestling: Wrestle with your arms. The competitor who picked the card chooses their opponent. Elbows must be on table and the arm not in use must be behind the back. First person to push the other person’s arm flat on the table wins.
**Breath Holding: The competitor who holds their breath the longest wins.
**Chair Balancing: All competitors must lean back on their chairs so that only the back two legs are on the ground. Whoever balances on their chair in this manner for the longest wins.

Community Chest cards are now Penalty Cards, which are more for deterring one person from succeeding in the game. Sometimes the competitor who chooses the card has to accept a penalty, or the card might allow him to choose another competitor to take the penalty. If the penalized competitor cannot finish the penalty, he must pay a fine of $500 and go directly to jail.

Examples:
**Running in Place: Competitor must run in place until he completes one trip around the board.
**Weight Holding: Competitor must hold 25 pounds of weight in whatever fashion he deems the most effective for one trip around the board.
**Invisible Chair: Competitor must bend his knees as though he is sitting on a chair, but the chair will be removed from the game until the competitor has completed one trip around the board.

3. In Monopolyathon, going to jail has much more extreme consequences than in ordinary Monopoly. The competitor is blindfolded so he cannot see what is going on in the rest of the game. He also must do pushups or sit ups, whichever he prefers, until it is his turn. Once it is his turn he can take the blindfold off and cease exercising, but if he remains in jail after his turn is complete he must put it back on and continue the pushups/sit ups.

4. The rest of the game goes by the same rules. Winner is the first person to aquire all the properties or the last one standing after everyone has gone bankrupt or passed out from physical exhaustion.

Wingman: Ever since the days of the ancient Greeks, consumption of fine wine was deep-rooted in the games of the Olympiad. Contestants were known to drink all forms of alcohol to boost their electrolytes so as to perform at a higher level. Tales have been passed down. Dionysus, Greek god of wine and lewd behavior, favored contestants who competed under the influence. Hercules was black out drunk when he defeated Cerebrus in Greco-Roman wrestling back in 455 B.C.

In a more liberal culture, the drinking has been re-incorporated into the games. This event is called Wingman. This is a two man challenge. This game will test one’s tolerance, dedication, consciousness, and teamwork. It begins with one team member drinking themselves into a stupor. Next, the other team member (drunk or not depending on one’s preferences), guides his mate through three challenges- all the while hoping the inebriated one doesn’t hurl, therefore eliminating them from the competition.

First challenge: Help your mate to the dance floor where he must sustain a dance with a female for five consecutive minutes.
Second challenge: One will assist the blackout one in maintaining a ten minute conversation with a group of skimpily-clad females.
Final challenge: Ex-boyfriend and crew enter the room; that is when both team members must escape with two females (one must not be too attractive in the spirit of the event-this is at the discretion of the highly intoxicated member) before being caught.

A timeless experience made into the sport that it fundamentally mirrors. The Americans have two strong teams going into this event; first is the irresistibly talented team of Daniel “ the Dazzling” Koster and Joey “ Gentle Eyes” Giusto. They are a sure medal contenders; both contain a connection to romantics that has not been seen since the days of Nebuchadnezzar. Next, the dynamic duo of Lewis and Clark has already wooed the moccasins off the ageless beauty Sacagawea. The sky is the limit for these American favorites. Good luck and good night my friends!


The Spring Olympics will hopefully take place sometime in the next five years or so, though gathering enough able competitors for the Badass Mother-Loving Obstacle course is proving to take more time than expected. But hold on tight, because in due time, the Spring Games will be bringing you more action, suspense, and heart-pounding excitement than the Winter and Summer Olympics ever could.

PT: Patapalooza

Over the winter break, my esteemed colleague Taylor DeBoer and I were discussing plans for a road trip with two of his friends. Obviously, we had to plan it around a music festival, but which one would work? After going over the pros and cons, we decided on Lollapalooza in Chicago, but it really got me thinking. If I could set up a music festival with any band or artist, living, dead or on hiatus, who would I select? More importantly, what type of music would it be centered around. I've gone through phases of classic rock, indie, mainly acoustic, mainly electric and a lot more. Right now I'm more into electric than anything, especially after seeing Passion Pit the other day and Animal Collective last summer. Below is my team of dream artists in order of who is most important to the cause.



Elliott Smith Nick Drake Bob Dylan Big Star Neil Young
Bon Iver Conor Oberst Townes van Zandt Donovan
Simon and Garfunkel Jeff Buckley (solo, no band) Nico
Sufjan Stevens Jerry Garcia Ben Gibbard Hank Williams
M. Ward Jim James Magnetic Fields The Mountain Goats
The Avett Brothers Cat Power Rilo Kiley Fleet Foxes

Day 1: Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Simon and Garfunkel, Donovan, Sufjan Stevens, Ben Gibbard, Magnetic Fields, Cat Power
Day 2: Nick Drake, Bon Iver, Townes van Zandt, Conor Oberst, Hank Williams, Jim James, Avett Brothers, Fleet Foxes
Day 3: Elliott Smith, Big Star, Jeff Buckley, Nico, Jerry Garcia, M. Ward, Mountain Goats, Rilo Kiley

The Process: First, I want to make clear that the Jeff Buckley that I want to play is the one from Live at Sin-e, when it's just him, a guitar and his voice. Now, on to the process. I wanted Dylan, Young and S & G on Day 1 because of everything they brought to music. Without them, a lot of these artists might not be around. Donovan seemed to fit the mood as does Magnetic Fields. Cat Power and Ben Gibbard would do a great job starting off the day.
For Day 2, I opted to go for more of the lesser known artists that deserve more attention, but I also wanted a little bit more folk than the first day. That's why I went Nick Drake, Townes, Conor, Hank and the Avett Brothers. Bon Iver, Jim James and Fleet Foxes all have amazing vocals, and Bon Iver leading into Nick Drake would be an instant orgasm.
On Day 3, I wanted to just rack it up with some of my favorites, but also have them have a connection. Eliott Smith wouldn't be the same without Big Star, so I like Big Star leading into him. Same goes for Jeff Buckley, who I like leading in to the power-pop trio. Nico has a great influence on artists like Elliott Smith as well as the Mountain Goats. M. Ward is a fantastic performer and I think his music fits on any day, so I wanted to hold him off until Day 3. Elliott had an influence over Jenny Lewis and Blake Sennet, so Rilo Kiley is in. The only unusual choice would be Jerry Garcia, but I'm talking about his blues/folk collection that most people neglect. Put all of that together and you have one hell of a festival: Patapalooza '010.

MM: AIM is my BFFL, so STFU all you haterz. LOL JK. But seriously, back off.

A friend of mine recently felt personally attacked because she still uses what some consider to be a primitive and juvenile means of communication: AOL Instant Messenger. Considering I have been a loyal user of AIM since the fifth grade, when my parents finally decided to move into the 21st century and get dial-up internet (that horrible screeching/siren/horn/banshee noise as the computer dialed up or whatever it did still haunts me to this day), her dismay at being laughed at for using the once popular messaging system was transferred to me.

Sure, the elaborate profiles listing your BFFLs or proclaiming the date you started going out with your BF/GF are a bit over the top. Who can forget the corny, overused quotes like that “dance like no one is watching” one that even people with two left feet would put into their profile? And the colors! Viewing someone’s profile meant risking temporary blindness due to the extreme color combinations.

There was also the typical opening to a conversation:

Buddy1: hey/hi/hello/yo/etc.
Buddy2: hey/hi/hello/yo/etc.
Buddy1: whats up/waz up/sup/wu/etc.
Buddy2: nothing much, you?/nm, you?/nmu?
Buddy1: same lol
Buddy2: cool

What happened after that, I don’t remember, though I’m sure it wasn’t much more exciting than the away message that followed a few minutes later listing everything Buddy2 would be doing that day. But ridiculous profiles and bland, pointless conversations aside, AIM does have its perks and therefore should garner a little bit of respect from those haters out there (I’m talking to you, Taylor DeBoer).

Reasons why AIM is not lame:

1. You can’t deny, it is an easy way to keep in touch with people.
Sure, there’s Facebook and email and texting and that whole actually calling people thing, but if you’re listening to music or watching a movie or reading The Stairs That Lead Nowhere, AIM is a convenient way to talk to someone but still do whatever it is you were doing otherwise. As more and more people move away from using AIM, the number of people you can keep in touch with dwindles, but I must say, the handful of people I talk to online are some of my closest friends, and I attribute parts of those friendships to some great AIM conversations.

2. It’s good for sharing things.
A good portion of my iTunes is made up of music sent to me by fellow AIM users. Depending on the internet connection, it could take between 30 seconds and forever, but it’s a lot more convenient than burning CDs or paying 99 cents (or even $1.29 – blasphemy!) on iTunes. I’ve never tried it, but you can send pictures and other files too. Also, if you stumble upon a particularly funny or interesting link that you feel the need to share with someone immediately, AIM is there.

3. Eff Facebook Chat.
When you sign on AIM, you don’t risk being IMed by that creepy kid in your Spanish class that randomly friended you on Facebook. Also, if you use Facebook Chat, you’re kind of limited to stalking people on Facebook while you’re talking to the person because you have to stay logged on. Plus I hear it malfunctions a lot. So another win for AIM.

4. It’s great for procrastination.
You’ve already had dinner and checked Facebook a few times and had an after dinner snack and checked your email and had dessert, and now it’s time to do your paper. You write a few sentences. Now what? IM your friends and complain about how much you don’t want to write your paper, of course! I’m not saying procrastination is a good thing by any means, but it’s an essential part of the homework process, and AIM is there to facilitate it.

5. The Stairs that Lead Nowhere was born from an AIM conversation.
Granted, it was more DK IMing me saying let’s start a blog, I said okay, and he did the rest. But still, AIM was an important factor in the process. That should be reason enough for all you AIM-haters out there.

6. You can randomly have conversations like this:

manchester1110 (1:50:45 AM): poop
megmck04 (1:51:02 AM): shit
manchester1110 (1:51:29 AM): crap
megmck04 (1:52:20 AM): feces
manchester1110 (1:52:30 AM): poo
megmck04 (1:52:45 AM): dump
manchester1110 (1:53:06 AM): brown lumps
megmck04 (1:53:26 AM): turds
manchester1110 (1:53:49 AM): ew
megmck04 (1:54:17 AM): haha i win!

So to all you AIM skeptics out there, give the old school method of communication another chance, or politely shut up and let those unwilling to let go of it IM each other in peace.

**NOTE: Though I will admit I do it all the time because I enjoy taking the easy way out, I do not endorse using AIM for any serious, life-altering conversations. There is no point in hiding behind a computer screen when there are so many other more direct ways to talk to people about truly important matters. Just sayin'.

Peace out!
Meag

JG: Random.

Just some media to consider:

`Onion: http://www.theonion.com/content/video/vh1_reality_show_bus_crashes_in (contains brief slut nudity)

`BABIES!! (revisited). : http://www.ucbcomedy.com/videos/play/5537 (of special note to certain people here, most notably one Shauna Berube)

`And of course, Carl Winslow dancing to 'music videos' : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_jq5WN_rv8

And a.. poem?

Disrupted Flow (The Water Poem)

A handful of full hands. Full of

Anything they can get their filthy hands on.

Forcing filthy hands to press filthy water

To their dry, filthy lips. Filthy fluid ending

Fragile life. While filthy hands get fat, filled

With filthy lucre, holding a Fiji flagon in

One like some hydro hand grenade

While human hands hang from the other.

TD: Bono offers an Op Ed piece to Spin

I went to Spin.com this afternoon and noticed an article, entitled "Bono: Ten Ways to Improve the New Decade." I've always been very anti Bono for his self proclaimed effort at becoming the President of the World. Helping people is obviously something a billionaire musician should strive towards--but it'd be nice if Bono did it without millions of people drooling all over his ridiculous Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses. He WAS a good musician in a band that USED to be good. In the past fifteen years they've had one good album, All That You Can't Leave Behind. For some reason their albums always find their way to the top of yearly lists--even their embarrassing 2004 disc, How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb. Yes I know several critics praised it but I'm convinced Bono and company bribed them.

So why does anyone care what Bono has to say about the future? Is he a prominent political figure? Is he a well renowned scientist, sociologist, or philosopher? Nope. Bono wants us to be able to teleport from place to place like in Star Trek and drive in "sexier" cars..abandoning mini vans. I'm all about efficiency and bettering the environment with Hybrid vehicles but sexier cars? Yeah Bono? Not to mention he's a bit behind the curve on the idea of preserving the environment and oh yeah, stopping illegal music downloading (another topic he mentions).

One day, hopefully sooner rather than later, Bono will wake up, put on his diamond studded sunglasses, step on his step stool and look in the mirror. Until then we have to continue to answer to President Bono.

JG: While on the Subject..

i'll keep this short. seeing as everyone's on a movie tip and they seem to have similar taste as me, figured i'd throw this out there.

best movie you've probably never heard of (esp. if you're really into dialogue): Igby Goes Down.

starring: The Culkins not named Macauley, Susan Sarandon, Bill Pullman, Amanda Peet, Jeff Goldblum's crazy ass, & Claire Danes.

effing brilliant.

MM: Graffiti Appreciation

In an attempt to add some more variety to this blog and break up the Pat Taylor DeBoer music/movies monopoly that is currently taking place in the new year, I am going to introduce all you TSTLN readers out there to a very talented and mysterious British man I came across a couple years ago by the name of Banksy. I was introduced to him by my friend Kaela, who thought I might take interest in him when I told her about my fascination with graffiti after a train ride through New Jersey.

Banksy, whose identity has never been discovered, uses walls, streets, sidewalks, and anything else in sight to dress up cracks and holes or address controversial topics via what some consider art and others vandalism. Whatever you think it is, you cannot deny it is significantly more interesting and imaginative than the illegible bubble letters and incoherent scribbles of most graffiti “artists.”

Here are some of my favorites:













And last but not least...


If you want to check out more of Banksy's work, go to http://www.artofthestate.co.uk/Banksy/banksy.htm which has pretty much every Banksy creation ever. Also, his official site is http://www.banksy.co.uk/

Peace out!
Meag

PT: My Top Ten of the Decade (Unbiased and in Order)

Because Taylor DeBoer is too big of a vagina to do a real top ten, I'm here to save the day. Here's the Pat Taylor's Top Ten of the Decade.

1) There Will Be Blood: Who thought a film about an oil tycoon that's over two-and-a-half hours long could be so...I don't know how to describe it. Daniel Day Lewis proves that he is the best actor around with his tremendous work as Daniel Plainview. When you combine DDL with one of the best up-and-coming actors of our time, Paul Dano, you're garunteed a real treat. Oh yeah, and P.T. Anderson directed it, one of the most acclaimed directors around today.

2) Children of Men: Clive Owen is a force in this film from 2007. In the not too distant future, the world looks to be heading toward demise. There hasn't been a child born in eighteen years, and there's chaos all over. An interesting storyline that only gets better as you delve deeper. Armed with a great supporting cast (including Michael Caine and Julianne Moore) this film deserves the number 2 spot.

3) No Country For Old Men: This has one of the best villains of all-time in Anton Chigurh, played to perfection by Javier Bardem. It also includes great acting from Woody Harrelson, Tommy Lee Jones and Josh Brolin, creating one of the best ensembles in movie history as far as I'm concerned. It's the Coen brothers' best film to date, and they do a great job keeping a nice, steady pace throughout, mixing in small bits of action and some of the best dialogue I've ever heard in film.

4) Up: I'm serious. I never get taken in by animated movies, but Pixar struck pure gold with this one. It was heart-wrenching and warming throughout, and it's the one animated movie that I've ever seen where I felt a connection to the characters. Easily the best Pixar has come up with.

5) The Pianist: This cemented Adrien Brody as an A-List actor, perfectly playing his part as a Jewish musician set during WWII. It's a shame he had to follow it up with a role in The Village and King Kong. He did, however, salvage himself with Darjeeling Limited.

6) Shaun of the Dead: It's a curveball, I know, but before this movie came along, the zombie genre was dead. This mixes great visual comedy with fantastic dialogue while maintaining the gruesomeness of a real zombie film. It's wit and creativity propel this movie, and, who knows, maybe Zombieland wouldn't have been made without it.

7) Royal Tenenbaums: "You're true blue." Gene Hackman, Bill Murray, Luke and Owen Wilson, Gwyneth Paltrow, Danny Glover, Ben Stiller, Anjelica Huston and narrated by Alec Baldwin. Wes Anderson is a top three director, if not number one, and it shows in this film. For proof, watch the part when Paltrow steps off the bus to meet Luke Wilson. It's magical. Also, any soundtrack that includes Velvet Underground, Nico and Elliott Smith deserves attention.

8) Requiem for a Dream: Drug addiction is always powerful, and it's easy to see why after viewing Requiem. This movie includes great cinematography and an ending that will leave you wishing you hadn't watched the movie late at night because of all the bad dreams to follow. Haunting and brilliant.

9) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: This movie has so many bad actors (Elijah Wood, Kirsten Dunst and Jim Carrey) that it makes me wonder how they can be so good in this film. Written by a pure genius and acted to perfection by the cast, this movie is one everyone needs to see. Relationships are tricky and leave us broken, so why not just forget all the bad ones?

10) Milk: The campy movie that Gus Van Sant always wanted to make ended up to be a pure masterpiece. Sean Penn, James Franco and Emile Hirsch are terrific, and if this doesn't make you see how fucking stupid it is to be prejudiced against someone, than go jump off a cliff. Diego Luna was the only downside, but he offs himself so it all works out. Loved the cuts of real footage added in, which I know my Friendo disapproves of.

Honorable Mention:
Into the Wild, The Wrestler, Gone Baby Gone, Ratatouille, Hotel Rwanda, and Wicker Man. (kidding on Wicker Man)

TD: Best and Worst Films of the Decade

TD:
I'd say, overall, the 00's has been a pretty good decade for film. We've seen revolutionary special effects, a resurgence of Disney flicks via Pixar, and a plethora of superhero films--some outstanding and others ridiculous.

Instead of doing a countdown of the top ten, I'm going to just include a list of what I think are the best and worst.

I'll start with a director/film that has changed independent cinema in America. Wes Anderson's The Royal Tenenbaums. Somehow, Anderson is able to take dark, obscure ideas and fill it with mainstream actors and still manages to maintain integrity--receiving acclaim from both big budget and low budget film buffs alike. And I'd certainly call the Tenenbaums the most interesting fictional family of the decade hands down. If you haven't seen it, rent it. Anderson's all about imagery and his films are as much of an art project as they are a movie.

Ok now to the next film. What do you get when you combine aspects of James Bond, gangster films, Traditional Superhero films, and Silence of the Lambs? The answer: The Dark Knight. It is certainly the best superhero film of all time. Christopher Nolan is a genius and it's obvious with this picture. It appealed to practically everyone and it was evident on its release day (I saw so many people dressed as The Joker when I stood line...outside of the movie theatre!!) The mystique surrounding Ledger's legendary performance and mysterious death just add to what is going to be very long lasting appeal. RIP Heath

Charlie Kaufman has a busy head. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is a magical film. Jim Carey is brilliant as a shy loner in search for his antitheses. He finds it in Clementine (Kate Winslet). Just when you think your watching a realistic love story, your tossed into Joel's mind as his memory of Clementine is being erased. The absurd story line is what makes Kaufman's screenplay so great, because it works. So many directors have tried to rip of the surreal style of Eternal--don't let the posers tarnish the real champ. Carey should have watched Eternal Sunshine before he agreed to do Fun with Dick and Jane.

Who would of thought that a kid from Scrubs would write such an outstanding film? Not me. Don't get me wrong, Scrubs is great, but I never would of thought Zach Braff was capable of making a film like Garden State. What a fucking film. I consider it a modern day Graduate. Not to mention, "New Slang" is a great song. Oh yea, Natalie Portman=my fantasy.

Star Wars Revenge of The Sith. Not one of the best films of the decade, but it deserves an honorable mention as the best out of Lucas' recent three Star Wars films--the only good one. I'm a Star Wars geek. May the force be with you.

There Will Be Blood. If you haven't seen it, crawl out of your hole and watch it. And have patience, it's not a Michael Bay film. P.T. Anderson doesn't account for American's 5 second attention span. Daniel Day Lewis might be the best actor around right now.

There have been a lot of great films about Boston over the years, Good Will Hunting, Gone Baby Gone, Fever Pitch...ok not that one but...

Mystic River. Sean Penn is unbelievable. He's a craftsmen. This film is gut wrenching and raw. Every actor is outstanding, every scene necessary. The story line appears had at first but keep watching because it becomes very original. Clint Eastwood has made some good movies in the 00's bu this one stands tall above the rest.

Kate Winslet's name has already appeared. That's because she's fucking great. Little Children is her best film...in fact, she is the film. Normally I wouldn't choose a film as being one of the best of the decade when one actor/actress carries it but Winslet is just that good. Watch this film alongside American Beauty--their depressing nature compliment each other. Watch a Michael Bay film as a night cap to lift your spirits.

Here's a sleeper that might shock a few of you. Catch Me if You Can. I love DiCaprio and I was debating between this one and The Departed. The controlled chaos of Catch Me forced me to put it on the list. Tom Hanks ain't half bad either.

Ok...I know I've left a bunch of great movies off the list and if I think of more I'll definitely add them. So now to my favorite film of the decade:

No Country for Old Men.

From outstanding, simplistic dialogue, to incredible landscapes and cinematography, The Coen Brother's attacked an outstanding novel with incredible ambition. What a film, Friendo. I'm speechless about this one, if you haven't seen it, punch yourself in the face and then rent it.

Honorable Mentions: Into the Wild, Donnie Darko, Memento, Traffic, Talk to Her, Slumdog Millionaire, Adventureland, Brokeback Mountain, Half Nelson, Darjeeling Limited, The Departed, Children of Men, Michael Clayton, Old School, Control, The Strangers, The Lives of Others.

Ok so here are the worst or MOST OVERRATED films, they're getting limited explanations:

(Oh, and I'm leaving the obviously bad films off the list like Knowing and Catwoman. Nick Cage and Hallie Berry don't even like those films. I'm trying to concentrate on films that people seem to actually like...for some reason.)

Crash. Overproduced piece of Hollywood garbage presenting a fictitious world that is made to represent modern day Los Angeles? Crash should pick the fleas off of Brokeback Mountain, what a sham for winning Best Picture.

Forest Gump. It came out in 1994 but it sucks.

Kill Bill volume 1 and 2 and Grindhouse.
Between Pulp Fiction and Inglorious Bastards Tarantino should have taken a break.

Gangs of New York
Certainly not one of Scorsese's finest, even with Daniel Day Lewis as his anchor.

Boondock Saints
Not a terrible film...not worth the hype.

The only good Pirates of the Caribbean film was the first one. Let's not forget these movies are based on a two minute ride at Disney World.

(Lord of the Rings)I'm a Star Wars fan. 16 hours of walking just doesn't do it for me. Sorry Peter, your films are highly overrated. Then again, I'm biased.

ps: The Fellowship of the Ring is a really well done movie. If any of them should have won best picture, it should have been that one.

Little Miss Sunshine
Anytime I watch it, I get really tired. It's just bland.

Well....I'm done.

PT: To New Beginnings (Insert Fart Noise)

Ben Gibbard said it best when he sang, "So this is the new year/And I don't feel any different."

Why do people have this idea that because the calendar goes back to January 1st it's a grand moment of change? It's absolutely baffling to me. The slate isn't wiped clean. Whatever mistakes or regrets you made or had at the end of the year still carry on to the next year. First off, time is made up. When the world was created, it wasn't put into 24 hours a day, 60 minutes an hour and so on. It was light and darkness and that was it. Flipping the calendar to January from December doesn't mean you get to leave everything you don't want to take with you on December 31st the previous year.

As I think about this more, I find this is why I have such a problem with a lot of modern society. We have such a lack of responsibility it's dumbfounding. How are you ever supposed to grow as a person if you leave your problems behind and use the excuse, "It's a new year." Are you fucking serious? People grow based on how well they handle problems and situations that come up in their lives. If they all get left behind, we're filled with a world of immature douchebags who look forward to every December 31st because it gives them a false sense of hope they created. If you're one of these people, there's a high probability that you're going to continue making the same mistakes until you get some courage and face the problem head-on. Not doing so is baffling to me.

How about this, America (or the ten people that read this, ie: contributors); let's be accountable for our actions, not just from this year, but from all the years that have passed since the clean slate bullshit excuse came in to play. If you fucked up in 2006 but we're too afraid to face it, do so now. If you don't you're just creating a world where it's okay to live and make mistakes without really getting to the root of the problem because January 1st is always just around the corner, and that means you can start over and be whoever you want. That's not a world I want to live in. That's not America. That's not even Mexico.

TD: The Cover of All Covers

I have to share this cover of Tiger Mountain Peasant Song by The Fleet Foxes. The cover is performed by First Aid Kid in the woods somewhere.

It's amazing.