JG: Best Music Artists, Ever.

...of a Revolution

It’s not too often in life that one can call someone or something ‘perfect’, but sometimes, when you least expect it, you stumble upon perfection, as if it was hiding under a (black) rock. O.A.R. is one of these rare exceptions. Whether being listened to by rich white kids or rich white parents who are trying to get in touch with their children, they set the perfect mood. A lot of people get caught up in the awesome perfection that is O.A.R., but they lose sight of what those letters stand for. Of A Revolution. You see, they’re part of something. Probably something big. What that revolution is exactly, well, errr, ummmm, I’ll get back to you on that, but I feel like it’s definitely big. With ceaselessly fresh lyrics and such refrains as “One day you’ll fall down and there won’t be anyone to pick you up again”, O.A.R. is a constant reminder that with enough radio play the American people will listen to just about anything.

Greatest Parallel of Toy Shopping to Life: (from ‘Toy Store’, see left)

“You ask yourself why you can't stay just five more minutes alone/ And walk away/ You know it, mom know it, so whatcha want/ She says, one toy today, she says.”

Dave Matthews Band

Dave Matthews is Music. And, Music is Life. And, of course, Life is God. With a quick little implementation of the transitive property, it is easy to see that Dave Matthews is God. For the past score DMB has been infiltrating your heads and rocking your skulls, from Dave Himself to that guy Boyd who gets really intense and plays the violin. If you haven’t seen them live than you haven’t truly lived – your first Dave show is a baptism of sorts.

Best Writing Ever: Everything He’s ever written.

G. LoVe

Garret ‘Love’ Dutton’s sole mission in life is to entirely embody the word ‘chill’, or ‘bro’, or ‘bro-chill’. Whichever it is, he’s succeeding. With album titles such as ‘Lemonade’ and ‘Superhero Brother’ combined with extraordinarily simple, LCD,

chill songs like ‘Wiggle Worm’, ‘Sunshine’, ‘Peace, Love, and Happiness’, ‘Kickin’ B

ack’, ‘Rainbow’, ‘The Fishing Song’, ‘Grandmother’, ‘Who’s Got The Weed’, ‘Baby’s Got Sauce’, ‘Soft & Sweet’, ‘Booty Call’, and ‘Front Porch Lounger’, he’s clearly the coolest guy in the room. He digs peace, music, Philadelphia, love, and cold beverages, and we all dig him.

Most Inspirational Line Ever: (from ‘Peace, Love & Happiness’, Love’s best version of ‘Waiting on the World to Change’)

“If you're hatin’, then you sure ain't livin. Gimme some peace love and happiness.”

Citizen Cope

Clarence Greenwood is one-man ass-kicking machine. He fuses the raw power of electric guitar with a general lack of motivation, slothlike energy, and a penchant for marijuana smoking to create a sound that is uniquely his. While high, Greenwood likes to sing songs he passionately wrote that make bold political statements with an air to him that suggests he quite simply does not care, about anything, at all. While not high, Greenwood likes to seek out marijuana and get high.

Most Significant Lyrics Ever: (from ‘Let the Drummer Kick’, Cope’s call to... something?)

“Relations/ Creation/ Incarceration/ Determination/ Equation/ Humiliation/ Reincarnation/ Situation/ Elation/ Identification/ Retaliation/ Education/ Inspiration/ No substitution/ Solution/ Conclusion”

Jack Johnson

What could I possibly say about JJ that hasn’t already been said about God (or Morgan Freeman)? While not busy hanging out with Dave Matthews, surfing, broing out, or cultivating the land, Jack enjoys singing songs while not wearing shoes.

Best Sports Reference Ever: (from Jack’s ode to backyard sport, ‘Mudfootball’)

“Over to the field for tackle football/ 
Big hits, big hats, yeah give me the ball/ 
Rain is pouring, touchdown scoring/ 
Keep on rolling, never boring/ 
Karma, karma, karma chameleon/ We're talking kinda funny from helium”

Jason Mraz

A time-tested troubadour, Mraz proves over and over again why it’s good to be bad. Scatting his way to the top, the self-labeled ‘Geek in the Pink’ has never been afraid to wear faux fedoras and hum sweet melodies about laundry. Most know Mr. AtoZ from his insanely popular worldwide smash hit/international phenomenon “I’m Yours”, which can currently be purchased in nine different ways on iTunes, and has been featured on Mraz’s latest studio album, his latest live album, Now 30, and of course the uber-popular EP ‘Yours Truly: The I’m Yours Collection’.

Most Significant Lyric About ‘Chillin’/Hip-Hop Reference: (from Mraz’s ‘Geek in the Pink’, in which he depicts the super embarrassing tale in which he sees a pretty girl, but he is unfortunately not looking ultra hip because, tragically, it is his laundry day and since everything else is dirty, he is left wearing this pink shirt, and thus he looks like a geek.. he eventually goes on to declare that, yes, “geek is the new color for fall”)

“My hip hop and flip-flops it don't stop with the light rock”

JG: not really..

My buddy Tyler, inspired by boredom, our blog, and an undying passion to forever be a 'Toys R' Us Kid', decided to write a story, so I figured I'd share. Also, now none of us have to follow Jerry and his award-winning excellence in rhetoric. Without further ado...

The Nicky’s

Last night history was made as Nickelodeon held an award ceremony in honor of what it believes to be the most prodigious television station in the history mankind. The station in question is of course, Nickelodeon! Nick decided to change formats this year and switched over from the once coveted Kid’s Choice Awards. The decision was made after Nick was discontented with the rating of the Kid’s Choice Awards, which have gradually been sinking like an old man into a warm bath. An anonymous producer at Nickelodeon was quoted in an interview in which he said, “Kids can only watch Tim Allen talk about how many orange blimps he has won over the years for so long. You just get tired of it after a while!” The dissatisfied viewers is what prompted Nick to put on an award show which would honor actors and shows alike that have served as staples in the Nickelodeon family. The fore mentioned awards would come to be called, Nicky’s.

The ceremony was held in New York City and a myriad of former Nickelodeon stars were in attendance. The red carpet was a regular “who’s who?” of C list celebrities and actors who have since moved on to other professions. “I’m actually very confused,” says Sean O’neal, better known as Sam from Clarissa Explains It All. “I mean, I’m up against Mr. Dink in the category for “Best Neighbor”. What if I lose? How does a cartoon that hasn’t been on the air in seven years give an acceptance speech?” O’neal’s confusion was shared by many, but it did not seem to hamper the overall ecstatic atmosphere. However, security was forced to remove former child star, Danny Tamberelli. Nickelodeon severed ties with him years ago due to a “verbal altercation” he had with a child backstage of the popular game show Figure It Out. Tamberelli stumbled down the red carpet, clearly intoxicated, in a tuxedo tee shirt before security was forced to intervene.

There were twenty categories in the ceremony ranging from “Best Best Friend” (won by Jimmy Lee Newman a.k.a. “Goo”) to the highly controversial “Most Productive Asian Detective” (the girl that played Shelby Woo was the only nominee). Some winners were powerfully celebrated such as Olmec from Legends Of The Hidden Temple when he won the Nicky for “Best Assistant Host.” Olmec was the only winner to receive a standing ovation throughout the night. “I was just so happy to see him get his due,” said Mark Summers. “It’s about time he got the credit he deserved and not that f***face Kirk Fogg!” The biggest stunner of the night came in the form of Mr. Stimpleton from Rocket Power beating out Bobby Budnick to win “Biggest Asshole,” a result that nobody was more stunned by than Danny Cooksey. “When you spend years playing an asshole kid on T.V. people generally assume you’re a mean person. I’m not a mean person, it was just my character. I thought tonight would finally be the night that my role of “Budnick” would pay off.” The last category of the night was also the tightest race. It was the Nicky for “Most Troublesome On Screen Duo.” The highly favored Kenan Thompson and Kel Mitchell barely beat out the underdog cousin tandem from Cousin Skeeter. When asked about the award Mithcell replied, “In the end, it came down to the fact that they got away with their stunts. We got busted every time!” After receiving the award Thompson told Mitchell to grab a rubber duck, a snow blower, and a jar of mayonnaise and to meet him at the bridge! He then proceeded to run off stage.

Overall the ceremony ran smoothly and most people who attended reported having a sub-par to mediocre time. Only six people left in before it was over, one of whom was Sean O’neal, who did lose to Mr. Dink in the only category he was nominated for.

Other notable guests in attendance: Kevin the stage manager, two of three of the Brothers Garcia, Kenan’s boss Chris, Ug, Lori Beth Denberg, Summer Sanders, Omar Gooding, and the entire cast of Hey Dude.

**On my own related note, why did they start that Kel is dead rumor?

http://www.snopes.com/radiotv/tv/kelmitchell.asp

Y'all Be Good,

Joseph.

JF: Heavy Eyes, Insomnia

Goodnight you latch-key kids.
Your parents are on their way home, but they will be drunk so stay up past your bed time and watch the all shows they told you not to. Tonight, you are the master of your own universe, but make sure you are in bed by the time they come stumbling home.

Goodnight you beautiful girls.
Rest knowing that little in this world comes granted and it all ain’t pretty; but those bullfrogs, they’re singing for you and it’s nothing beautiful, no, but it’s all they got to give, so take it and love it for that. Somewhere, in a different bed, a boy’s mind plays with the thought of you before his dreams surface and he is pulled beneath.

Goodnight you nervous palms, you rumbling jaw bones.
In time, the ink spots will leave you and the words will let you sleep again. Your gift is a burden, I know this. But you take turns carrying each other.

Goodnight to you half-empty-bed sleepers.
Remember that love is statue made of sawdust and, while a breath can reduce it to powder, the remains can be used to polish diamonds.

Goodnight you ancient souls.
Remember that believing in love is not a character flaw. It can make you stronger if you learn how to collect your bones after. Be the tide: recede when the moon calls you back.

Goodnight you seven day work weeks, uninterrupted hair-pulling duress.
I know that what you are is highways, reaching out for miles in all directions at once and it hurts to be spread so thin. Rest assured that you reach out in the direction of progress. One day, your knees will forgive you and they’ll carry you down a road to somewhere the temperature outside matches your soul and you will feel the tension drift out of your fingertips and into the horizon. Hold that close.

Goodnight you self-emptying pill cases.
Bundles of side effects matched by symptoms to an orange bottle tied like an anvil to your wrist. I know that you were not mistakenly made this way. Perfect is a word people coined to describe a concept we only attribute to the sky and God, he doesn't deal in perfect, that’s your job. You are loved because of what you carry inside you, not for what you swallow to fix it.

Goodnight you kite-flying wide-open eyes.
I know there is so much in the world just leaping out to be touched seen heard smelled believed laughed at examined held and thrown back around but it will still be there in the morning. Bide your time, the end of the string is tied to your finger.

May your dreams be sweet like caramel whipped cherry coated sugar truffle pops, blissful like “I love you and I mean it” and comforting like the soft prick of a grandmother’s kiss; so real you’ll want to touch it but can’t. You too stretch for miles.

And here am I, wishing my eyes were deeper; wishing there was something heavy in them because sharks like me, we don’t sleep. Comfort is not our territory. We circle dreams postured for attack, baiting our prey until the sun frightens them away and we are left to swim, to drift, half-conscious, hungry for sleep and thin from the pursuit.

So take this:
sleep soft,
stay warm,
drift gentle.

I’ll do the swimming.

TD: A Troubled Troubadour

So far Pat has been mostly discussing music, although I did include a list of my favorite albums of the decade. I've decided to do a spotlight like he did, but focus on only one artist--Townes Van Zandt.

Townes was a singer/songwriter from the southwest who wrote songs from the the early 1960s to 1995, when he died. Troubled by a life of mental illness, Townes' songs are often filled with images of depression and loss. Wound together with by many colorful metaphors and soft guitar picking, Townes used his rough and tumble southern drawl to deliver his songs.

Every song Townes has written is unique and worth listening to but I'll spotlight a few gems.

"She Came and She Touched Me"

Here's one particular stanza that is beautiful:
"Then I turn and I see her
In a dress made of moonlight
Teardrops like diamonds
Run slow down her face
Her arms surround me
Like chains made of velvet
And the demons fall faithfully
Into their place"

"Pancho and Lefty"

This performance was near the end of his career so it's a bit shaky.

My favorite lyric "the dust that Pancho bit down south ended up in lefty's mouth" is only appreciated in context.

Currently my favorite TVZ song is "The Tower Song." This version is from his best album, Live at The Old Courter in Houston from 1973. It's a double disc of songs recorded from one night at a small bar owned by a few country/folk musicians. Townes played their often.

Townes was never concerned with studio albums and as result was brutally mishandled by managers and producers--over producing his simple sound with unnecessary strings.

There was a recently made documentary about Townes, Be Here to Love Me. The film is outstanding and the soundtrack even better. It's of course, all Townes.

Legendary country singer Steve Earl was quoted in saying, "Townes van Zandt is the best songwriter in the whole world and I'll stand on Bob Dylan's coffee table in my cowboy boots and say that."

Although Townes Van Zandt's career was sidelined by his drug and alcohol addictions and cut short by his death, I am starting to agree with Earl. I have yet to stumble across a Townes song that's shallow and I don't know of a songwriter alive that could stand behind that. Even Dylan wasn't always on his game. (Recent Bob Dylan is another story)

I find many similarities between Van Zandt, Dylan, Neil Young and other musicians from the 60s and 70s that consider themselves "singer/songwriters," but Townes Van Zandt is certainly the best singing poet I've ever encountered...and maybe the saddest.

JG: Add to This.

The Stairs.....

The stairs that lead nowhere

Are the shoes that don’t fit

The kids that won’t grow up

An ad that lacks wit

The stairs that lead nowhere

Create the enigma that binds us together

We’ll stay up all night ranting

No matter what the weather

The stairs that lead nowhere

Are a riddle to us all

Urging us curious vagrants

To answer its evasive call

The stairs that lead nowhere

A cryptic common ground

For us kids that feel lost

Yet don’t want to be found

PT: Saddest Lyrics Ever

I was just listening to an Elliott Smith song from his second album, Elliott Smith, and out of all of the sad songs the depressed drug addict wrote, the song "Good to Go" has, easily, the saddest, most hard-hitting lyrics he ever wrote. They come at the very end of the song, and by ending it on this note it blows my mind. It's a stroke of pure genius mixed with a longing for what's not there.

"All I ever see 'round here is things of hers that you left lying around
It's all I ever see 'round here, some empty envelopes from some other town
It's all I ever see 'round here, I'm waiting for something that's not coming."

The first two lines there are bad enough, especially with the imagery of the empty envelopes and belongings laying around, but then he hits you on a more emotional level. That feeling of waiting for something that's not coming hits us all, and has never been more simply, or effectively, put.

PT: Looking Ahead to 2010

So the end of the decade is coming, and with the end approaching we have a lot of year-end lists and lists to cap off the decade. While it's great to honor those great artists of 2009 (Animal Collective, Phoenix, Kid Cudi etc.) and the 2000's in general, we need to look ahead to the great albums coming out.
Vampire Weekend has a new album that looks to drop on January 12, Contra, and it's going to be a great way to begin a new decade. One of the criticisms will be that it sounds too much like Vampire Weekend, but isn't that why we fell in love with them in the first place? The little tastes we've gotten so far such as "Cousins" and "Horchata" are vintage Weekend, and the album is something to look forward to. I may or may not have gotten an advanced look at the album, and the album may or may not be pure gold. If I did get a look I'd say it's going to be something to behold in 2010.
Arcade Fire are due to release a new album soon and 2010 looks to be when it will be released, although I'm not sure of what season. The song "Lennin" was released on Dark Was The Night, a charity album, and I wasn't a real big fan. After Funeral and Neon Bible, I thought pretty much anything they would subsequently release would be a big hit in the indie/rock community, but I was wrong. I really hope that they don't follow up "Lennin" with songs of that quality, because if they do it would be a huge mis-step for the Canadians.
MGMT should also be releasing a new album, Congratulations. I heard some of the material live at All Points West in the summer, but it was really only two or three songs. Again, as it is with Vampire Weekend, I believe we're in for a bit more of the same. Again, as it is with Vampire Weekend, that's why we love them. More psychodelic rock with great guitar riffs, interesting vocals and a synth-heavy background are what I'm expecting from the Brooklyn duo's sophomore album, and I believe that's what we'll get.
Here's where it gets tricky. Reports have The Strokes to release another album and it was reportted to be coming out this year, but there's one problem: The band hasn't even begun recording. They're side projects have really taken off (Little Joy was a huge success, as is Julian Casablancas's solo release, and Albert Hammond Jr. has already made his solo venture popular) and it seems as if The Strokes are on the backburner too much. After their last album was a bit of a flop (First Impressions of Earth), the New York group that revamped the indie movement really need to make sure they get their shit together and start the new decade off like they did with their debut album back in 2001. They were a monster hit almost 10 years ago, and I'm expecting their return to be something to behold.

TD: The Five Best Albums of the Decade

Ok...So I was going to post my favorite ten albums of the decade but i decided to post the five best instead. I've been accused of offering my opinion on music too often so I don't want to make anyone cry-- pat "cough cough."

Number 5.

The White Stripes--White Blood Cells

This album was one of a few albums that changed music in the early part of the decade. With the release of this, along with a few others--The Strokes, etc--indie rock became "cool" again. It was also a chance for the world to see Jack White on a more grand scale--he might be the most prolific and gifted musician of the this decade.

Rec. track: "Fell in Love with a Girl" One of the most influential songs of the decade--simple guitar, simple lyrics but pure genius.

Number 4. The Killers--Hot Fuss

Ok, so I have to say, the Arctic Monkeys just missed my top 5. Their album Whatever People Say I am, I'm Not, is certainly one of the best of the decade and will be in the honorable mention at the bottom.

But now to the real number 4. Hot Fuss made mainstream music something bearable (sp?). Screaming teenagers and music fans finally had something in common. The Killers ability to fuze 80s music with modern rock was brilliant and every Killers' album since Hot Fuss as been solid. But it was Hot Fuss that started it all and that's why it sits comfortably at numero 4.

Rec. track: "All the Things I've Done" It has a little bit of everything including a catchy fucking chorus.

Number 3. The Arcade Fire--Funeral

I would go as far as to call this one of the most interesting albums of all time. A rock/indie/folk/goth/orhestral/pop/collective band from Canada. Arcade Fire have spawn a plethora of bands that combines rock with old world instrumentation and no one has been able to even come close. Their debut album (Funeral) is beautiful. And I know it's a side note but they put on one of the best live shows around.

Rec. track: "Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels) Speachless.

Number 2. Bright Eyes--I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning

I don't even know where to began. This album has changed my perspective on music more than anything else I've ever heard. Conor Oberst of Bright Eyes is the best lyricist of this decade and this is his finest overall work. It captures New York City and early 20's perfectly (ya know, us). Buy it. listen to it. and listen to it again. Singer/songwriter masterpiece.

Rec. track: "We Are Nowhere, And it's Now" It's about being on the road for Oberst. If you listen in to it enough, it'll mean something entirely different to you.

Number 1. The Strokes--Is This It?

That's what I asked after I first heard the album in 2001; after my brother burned it for me. Now I was only 13 but I basically asked him, is this it?----Yes. And if you listen in to it enough you'll realize that the simplest album of the 2000's was the most influential. If it wasn't for The Strokes and this album, indie rock would not exist as we know it today. That means no Animal Collective, MGMT, THe Hold Steady, Passion Pit, Vampire Weekend, Arctic Monkeys, The Walkmen, The Killers, THe National, Arcade Fire, Kings of Leon and many many many more.

Rec. track: All 36 fucking minutes




Honorable mentions:

Whatever People Say I am, I'm Not--Arctic Monkeys

Boys and Girls in America--Hold Steady

Alligator--The National

Oracular Spectacular--MGMT

Parachutes--Coldplay

Vampire Weekend--Vampire Weekend

For Emma, Forever Ago--Bon Iver

Good News for People who Love Bad News--Modest Mouse

and many more



sorry for the bad grammar and shit...consider me the ee cummings of blogwriting

TD: The loon by Taylor De Boer

Loon



He calls out for you as he floats along Lake Minakwa, but you speed by…

John Prine lost his mind and wrote a song about him, “Crazy as a Loon” he called it.



His peaceful drawn out bellow will steady you to sleep even on the roughest of waters.



He can live through the frigid mornings of a Wisconsin spring with valor, as you freeze to death in your eight foot fishing boat that pitter-patters along.



He’ll soar above and dive deep into the black lake after spotting breakfast and you’ll watch with worship.



Stringy wheat-like grasses line the lake where you and he live—he’s unfazed by your angst.



You sit with a pole, in an empty boat surrounded by a lake filled with fish.



He often wonders which one is “crazy,” you or him.

JG: "F Curse" james Cameron

Folks, I really, really did try hard not to blog about this. I tried, I failed – such is life I guess. Someone once told me (after yet another crushing life defeat) ‘you win some, you lose some’. I was succeeding at first, but then I chanced upon this gem of an article (http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/hmg-avatar-hidden-messages.html) from the groundbreaking writers at Yahoo. The piece, yclept Does ‘Avatar’ Contain Hidden Messages?, is so brazen in its uncertainty it scares me.

For those unfamiliar with the plot, here’s a layman’s breakdown: the blue people have a natural resource the earthlings want. The earthlings use avatars to move in and exploit them to obtain this resource irregardless of the death and displacement that can ensue. (The crack team at Yahoo has dug deep into this plotline, as well as taken quotes about its messages directly from writer/director Cameron and a slew of top critics, to boldly proclaim that this film might have anti-war and pro-environmental undertones.) One avatar then proceeds to fall in love with a blue person and joins their fight.

What really irks me is the lack of subtlety. Aside from it being two hours too long, the horrendous acting (tragically even from the great Giovanni Rabisi), the incredibly typical villain that actually kicks down a pressurized, reinforced steel door, and arguably the worst use of voiceover I’ve seen displayed on the silver screen, you’re left with a barely-cryptic allegory that lends no new angle on the situation. Please in no way think I’m against the message – in fact, I quite like the environment and I’ve never enjoyed war that much either. It’s just that I feel I’ve been offered nothing new, and there’s nothing I hate more than being given a two and a half hour lecture on something I already understand; Corporations are ruthless and greedy, blood for oil is wrong – I get it. If I really wanted to watch a movie about a man realizing his greed and changing his ways, I would just make some hot chocolate and put on my Muppets Christmas Carol DVD (again).

Now I fully understand that a great deal of people loved this movie, and I truly hope the fascination is purely aesthetic. The special effects were obviously very well done, and I’ve been told that seeing it in 3D on shrooms was quite the mind-blowing experience. Now if you’re an aficionado of special effects and/or psychedelics, this is the movie for you. By all means please go and enjoy the shit out of this movie. I’m just trying to look at it from a ground level here, and outside of some pleasing visuals, I found nothing of merit in this film. Had there been no build up, I really wouldn’t have been upset. But when Cameron himself promises me that this will be “something that grabbed us by the lapels and dragged us out the door and took us on a journey of surprise,” coupled with the fact that the Yahoo staff is extraordinarily vapid, it really starts to bother me, and as rumors of a sequel swirl, I can only plead with Cameron to stop. He’s made his money, he’s made his point (that even a 6 year old could detect), and if we do it all over again with another planet my head might just explode.

I am officially boycotting this film along with any movie involving the word Twilight. But I’ve had enough of this anger, I feel like Pat Taylor must feel if he had to write 500 words on the REMARKABLY INNOVATIVE, EXTRAORDINARILY TALENTED & ALWAYS TIMELESS Billy Joel.

FINAL VERDICT: 0.3/10

**If you feel like you must see a movie this break, do yourself a favor and either (1) go see Fantastic Mr. Fox, (2) rent Up or (500) Days of Summer, or, (3) *only if you're really sick in the head*, Netflix the movie Oldboy, the greatest revenge/Korean film ever made.

Happy Festivus,

Joseph.

CR: EXTREME!!! ...Sports

As most of us know, New Zealand is a country that prides itself on being a forerunner in the arena of EXTREME!!!..sports. They even subtly have a lesser form of extreme in their name…yes zeal (those sly kiwis). They thought no one was going to notice…well they were wrong. Well this faintly fanatic American would like to set it clear that U.S.A is the most extreme of them all and Barack Obama is the Commander and Chief of Extreme. Motivated by this inaccuracy of extremeness, I will methodically expose NZ as a country not quite as extreme as the ole US of A, but as a major trendsetter of quasi-extreme sports in the modern day Oceania/Antarctica regions.

Wikipedia defines extreme sports as certain activities perceived as having a high level of inherent danger, and that are counter-cultural. These activities often involve speed, height, a high level of physical exertion, and highly specialized gear or spectacular stunts. Counter-cultural you say? I would like to further explore this tid-bit about extreme sports being counter-cultural; and the relevance it has to college age American citizens that plan to study abroad in New Zealand.

As we all know (I’m implying all you readers have an equal knowledge of a multitude of primitive sociological processes and histories as I), NZ is a mestizo of British and local Maori cultures. Even when these two cultures combine, they lack the extremeness that the American people live each and everyday. According to the definition of extreme sports-basketball, ice hockey, cheerleading, shuffle-boarding, four-square, underground dog-fighting(maybe too extreme), beer pong( that’s what they call it in NZ too..weird), and numerous other American recreations, would blow the minds of the Kiwi people. I accept this cultural difference and will thoroughly exploit this technicality while I am a humble guest there. We’ll be their Tony Hawk, their Picabo Street, their Ricky Bobby; flying higher, going faster, and being sexier than they ever conceived. This is fitting for our length of stay as we will not be there long enough to have a lasting affect on their culture. Like the extreme sports stars I listed they are placed in the spotlight for a short period of time; idolized by all then forgotten till the next X-games, the next winter Olympics, or Talladega Nights part Deux.

Now here is an alternative if we stayed a little longer than 4.5 months (exactly half a baby).
Our not-as-extreme sports will be our passageway into the extreme sports market in NZ. Sharing our culture with the Kiwi people will be one of the most rewarding experiences of our lives. Tourists will no longer anticipate glacier climbing, zorbing or bungee jumping- but they will long for the rush of a lay up, the exhilaration of the annual Auckland Speedway 800 Kilo race, or the loss of memory of a long night of binge drinking in the now accepting drinking establishments. In the end this would just be another case of Americanization (globalization, masturbation, angry Haitians, education, MEGnation, congratulations, ejaculation, trigonometry calculations…sorry sorry my boy Citizen Cope was playing in the background). Anyway, we should allow the Kiwi’s to enjoy their sense of extremeness without taking anything away from them.

The Maori word for extreme sports is “piere nuku tākaro” as found in the unofficial Webster’s Dictionary for Maori speakers.
My first born will be named Pierre Nuku Robinson, so as to be a constant reminder of my creation of UBER Extreme offspring.

Disclaimer: In no way am I saying we need to exploit this market and treat their country as if it were a fantasy land ( even though it is).

Check out this video to see what un “Extreme” looks like.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=horzY6UWl9E

For more on Maori less extreme sports check out this super cool link:
http://history-nz.org/kiorahi.html

-SoccerjiggalosPen15

MM: How much is your loyalty worth? A Flyers fan's ramblings.

After a stressful, tiring semester of early morning classes, papers, and Thursday nights, it is good to be home for winter break. There are a lot of things I always look forward to upon my return to Lansdale, PA (my bed, home-cooked meals, my dog, etc.), but there’s nothing I enjoy more than sitting in my living room with my dad, a hot cup of tea in hand, and watching the team that I have followed loyally for many years now: the Philadelphia Flyers.

However, as I sit here watching the pregame show for the Flyers/Lightning game, I cannot help but wonder why I am still giving the guys in orange and black the time of day. Lately, it has been a painful and unpleasant ordeal to watch the team that Hockey News predicted to be this year’s Stanley Cup champion take stupid penalties, allow soft goals, and sit second-to-last in the Eastern Conference.

You know your team has hit rock bottom when an analyst wishes there was a statistic to track stupid penalties and lists as keys for the game: Score first. Score again. Score three times. The team has become a joke that even the hometown analysts cannot help put poke fun at. I am having horrible flashbacks to the 2006-2007 season, when the Flyers were the worst team in hockey and yet I still put myself through the agony of watching loss after loss after loss.

Maybe I should follow the lead of Lee Kirby, a former Toronto Maple Leafs fan who sold his loyalty on eBay for $23.48 After his Leafs started out this season 0-6-1, Kirby had had enough and promised to switch his loyalty to the team of whoever bid the highest on his fanship. A Dallas Stars fan won the bidding war, and thus Kirby the Stars fan was born.

On abandoning his Leafs and pledging his loyalty to a team 1,500 miles away, Kirby said, “I'll always care for the Leafs. But Dallas is a fresh start. I played baseball for many years, and I switched teams three or four years ago. You feel rejuvenated.”

I can empathize with Kirby and his frustrations as a fan who has never seen his team bring home the bacon, but something tells me he was never a true fan in first place. The thought of ever abandoning my team, no matter how horrendously they are playing, is simply unfathomable to me, let alone rejuvenating. I am not going to say that there is more to sports than winning, because essentially there is not. But there are some added bonuses to following a particular team – learning about and identifying with certain players, cheering with fellow fans, arguing with rival fans, sporting your team’s colors with pride...the list goes on.

Something tells me a majority of sports fans would feel the same as I do. Sure, there are moments when a Giants fan might drown his sorrows in beer rather than watch his team lose to the Eagles, but just a few years ago that same fan was probably laughing in the faces of shocked Patriots fans as Eli Manning spoiled New England’s perfect season in the most meaningful game of the year. It’s a world of give-and-take. There will be championship seasons and years in the basement. You win some, you lose some.

For all the times the Flyers have prompted me to hang my head in disgust (the Scott Hartnell glove-throwing debacle) or throw things at the television (any time they lose to the Penguins), they have provided me with moments that send my heart racing (Keith Primeau’s goal in the fifth overtime in 2000) or (I’m a girl so it’s okay to admit this) bring a tear to my eye (Jeremy Roenick scoring following a bone-crushing hit by Darcy Tucker on Sami Kapanen in 2004).

My life won’t be complete until the Flyers win the Stanley Cup. It may not be for another few years, or even a few decades. But as a loyal fan, I believe it will happen eventually, and I won’t be selling my loyalty anytime soon. This is not only because I would feel foolish if I defected and then they finally won, but because how much would it suck to be bought by a Pens fan? I’d just quit watching hockey all together.

So to all those disheartened sports fans out there (I really do feel for you, Cleveland) – keep the faith!

Peace out!
Meag

PT: Jerry Stole My Bit But I'm Going To Add

Last night after I posted my Beatles list, I went for a nice drive to dunkin' donuts and read some books. In dunkin' donuts, a song came on the radio. It was "Fireflies" by Owl City. Since I first heard this song I've hated it, as with most things. However, sometimes I'm able to adapt like I did to Phoenix. This wasn't one of those times.
"Fireflies" is exactly what Jerry said it is. It's a cheap rip off from one of today's greatest artists. The thing that really perturbs me is not only the fact that this song (and Owl City in general) sucks and there are so many more bands out there that are being eclipsed from the public by Owl City.

#1) Animal Collective - Now, I know there are going to be those of you reading who know Animal Collective and know they have a strong following, but you still can't neglect the fact that they get no airtime on the radio anywhere outside Baltimore. Not only that, but they're still playing smaller venues for the most part. While their most recent release Merriweather Post Pavillion was, without a doubt, the best album of 2009, most people who claim to like them couldn't name more than "My Girls." The album did reach the Billboard Top 20, but that's because of it's huge success in the indie scene. Owl City somehow attracts pop lovers, electro enthusiasts and dumb people that like anything on the radio, ie: half of America. Animal Collective have been running the electro show since the early 2000's, yet Owl City is more known through one bad ripoff song.

#2) Passion Pit - Passion Pit is a sensational electro group with songs that can make you go crazy dancing but are still as enjoyable sitting around. An example of this is "Sleepyhead," Passion Pit's biggest song. There are a decent amount of people who know the song but don't know the band, and that's a shame because their debut album Manners has a lot to offer. A lot more than Ocean Eyes has. You can tell that Passion Pit was influenced by the Postal Service, but it's easy to see they have their own style. Adam Young? He's trying to be the Postal Service's doppleganger.

#3) Hot Chip - Hot Chip are an absolute phenomenon. With three albums since 2004, Hot Chip are, along with Animal Collective, are the most respected when it comes to electronic music. It's easy to see why too when your group boasts songs like "Ready for the Floor" and "And I Was A Boy From School." They manage to lay down beats that you would here in techno clubs all over the words while mixing it up with meaningful lyrics. "We tried/But we didn't have long/We Tried/But we don't belong." That one lyric from "Boy From School" has more power to it than anything Adam Young has produced.

#4) Ratatat - This New York City duo have been huge in the electro/indie world since 2004 with the release of Ratatat from recording label XL. Since then it's been a blur in the music scene, recognized by magazine's (Spin) and online publications (Pitchfork) as one of the best in electro territory. Recently, they played on Letterman with Kid Cudi for his song "Pursuit of Happiness." They also contributed to another song, "Alive," on Cudi's debut album.

#5) The Klaxons - This London group only has one album to it's name, but with that one album they could do nothing for years and let Adam Young create four more records and he still wouldn't be able to touch them. "It's Not Over Yet" is a piece of electro/indie heaven, and if their debut album Myths of the Near Future from 2007 is any indication, these English boys will be around for a long time. It's just a shame that with the talent they have they're being eclipsed by Owl City.

Also, a funny story, I was sitting in a room with friends the other day and Owl City came on, and the one girl turned to the other and said, "They remind me of somebody. I think they sound a little like Death Cab." I wanted to kick her in her ovaries and tell her first off it's not they, it's one man, so don't call "him" "they." He isn't two people (unless a Star Trek like happening occurred and he somehow created music with his future self). Also, wrong fucking band. Death Cab and Postal Service sound nothing alike with the exception of the vocals, obviously. How often do you hear electro beats in Death Cab songs?

JF: The Postal Service is Not Accepting Applicants

Here at The Stairs that Lead Nowhere, we usually leave the musical critique to PT, but I got something I just gotta say. Since I lost my iPod last week, I've been listening to a lot of radio (thus my post on Lady GaGa yesterday). It hasn't been terrible but the control freak in me has been dying to hit the "skip" button every time I hear these clichéd words ring through the speakers of my '97 Nissan Shitbox:

"You would not believe your eyes/if ten million fireflies/lit up the world as I fell asleep"

The above lyrics are taken from Owl City's whimsical single "Fireflies." The song in-and-of-itself is unforgivably unimaginative. Adam Young, the MySpace baby responsible for Owl City, wrote the song in his parent's Minnesota basement last year (cute, right?) and has since found immediate acceptance from other trend-hoppers on the social networking site, ultimately leading to his signing with Universal Republic in 2009.

Since then, "Fireflies" has whirred up the charts, sharing airspace with the likes of Beyoncé, Lil' Wayne and our girl Lady GaGa. However, the digi-pop phenomenon stands out for its unmistakable indie influence - one Adam Young claims draws from Imogen Heap and Boards of Canada, among others.

Here's an example of those oh-so inspired lyrics:
"Cause I'd Get a Thousand Hugs
From Ten Thousand Lightning Bugs
As They Tried To Teach Me How to Dance"

If you're not yet impressed, try:
"To Ten Million Fireflies
I'm Weird Cause I Hate Goodbyes
I Got Misty Eyes As They Said Farewell
But I'll Know Where Several Are
If My Dreams Get Real Bizarre
Cause I Saved a Few and I Keep Them in A Jar"

Alright. A handful of overly-romantic non sequiturs looped over a poppy backbeat do not make you reflective. There's a motif aboutinsomnia and fireflies buried somewhere in there, but the connection gets abstracted by the song's blatant insincerity. Anything meaningful Mr. Young was trying to imitate here is lost in the awkward transition between lines. At many other points in the song, Young seems to be fishing for meaning, reaching to sound poetic and falling short. I won't get into the perils of writing a successful song while juggling verb tense (is this song written in the preterit or the imperfect?!) but suffice it to say there's something afoot here.

Yes, I am calling him a poser.

The only reason you're hearing Owl City on the speakers of your Shitbox is because of good ol' fashioned record label agenda setting (oh jeeze, here he comes with the conspiracy theories). Universal Republic signed and pushed Young to the radio stations because he fits the mold of almost-popular indie acts. Even the name "Owl City" follows the "Animal+Random Noun" model of edgy underground acts (think "Wolf Parade"). Just stir in some major radio syndication and a catchy hook miming something profound and...Viola! You've got a perfect abomination on your hands.

If I was Ben Gibbard I'd be a little pissed off. Not too pissed off, because I'd be marrying Zooey Deschanel, but pissed off enough that my passion project the Postal Service was being ripped off by some MySpace tagalong so he could make his millions with the fat cats standing behind him. Young's voice is a weak pantomime of Gibbard's and his lyrics wouldn't even make the leaf jacket of a bootleg Postal Service album. It's downright embarrassing.

Allow me to make an analogy. You remember when you were a kid and everyone had Adidas shell-toes, complete with the signature 3-stripe pattern on the sides? Every kid had them - they were a successful brand. Then, in an attempt to capitalize on the success of Adidas, countless knockoff brands began producing lookalike shoes with fur stripes. All the kids with four stripes on their shoes were laughed at - rightfully so. Owl City is the Payless brand of the Postal Service.

Inevitably, the song will persist for a few more months. You will probably see it on Now 45 or something, but then it should be just about over. Maybe the reason Ben Gibbard isn't pissed off is because he knows Owl City and "Fireflies" will be off the music scene before his honeymoon is over.

Stay warm,
JF

SB: Nuttin but da Truth

Hello Friends,

I have posted below a list of truths. These are things that I have discovered through my life experiences. Some are rather inconvenient truths( In Al Gore's terms and in my terms) and some are mediocre and others rather pleasant. Hopefully I will make other discoveries of truths in the world that I can share with the cyber world. So cheers

Truths

• Santa is not real. Seriously? Christmas is no longer fun! No more letters to Santa, just emails and texts from Mom saying it’s not going to be a big Christmas this year, Dad’s business is slow but what do you want anyways? Only to later be sent with Mom’s credit card to do your own Christmas Shopping being reminded that if you exceed $300 the heat will turned off until further notice. Bah humbug!
• The only people who do not like to drive are the people who hate music. I look forward to driving because its time I can turn the music up, just below the pain threshold, where I can sing loudly and badly so that I can not hear myself.
• Plutos not a planet? WTF! How the hell are elementary schools suppose to memorize the planets now?
• Such quality conversations occur in an intoxicated state and thus are not often remembered. Curse you alcohol and your reverse psychology!
• Everything causes cancer. Sun, fish, plastic, pollution…you name it and it’s a carcinogen.
• Time dictates our lives. We are in college for 4 years. We have 2 weeks to write a paper. You should do 30 minutes of cardio a day. You’ve been working for 35 years now so it’s okay for you to retire and sit on your ass for the rest of your life. We’ve been dating for 4 years now so it’s okay and expected that we get married. Damn it time! Unleash your reigns and leave us alone!
• Polar bears really are dieing! Only 1 in 2 polar bear cubs survive! Big Wah!
• The characters of Winnie the Pooh are all “special”, which is probably my unconscious reasoning for minoring in special education. Piglet has an anxiety disorder and a clutter (like a stutter but different), Eeyore is clearly depressed, Rabbit has OCD and a perfectionist personality so he could possibly also be anorexic..but not really cause he sure eats a lot of carrots…so maybe bulimic?, Tigger has a lisp and ADHD, and Pooh is just a little slow but his pragmatic skills make up for any intellectual deficit he may have.
• Hippos are actually dangerous creatures! Those damn beasts claim more human lives in Africa then lions! So why aren’t hippos the king of the jungle?

TTFN (TaTaForNow)

Your Friend,

Shauna B

PT: Top 10 Beatles Songs (That The Average Fan Wouldn't Know)

The Beatles collection of #1 songs is one of the most annoying things to ever happen to music. Everybody already claims to love The Beatles, and when prodded into talking about albums, most people will only be able to say that they own 1. Now, 1 is by no means a bad album, but any Beatles album that boasts "Yellow Submarine," "She Loves You" and "Eight Days A Week" clearly isn't their best. Not even remotely.

It pains me when people say they like The Beatles and aren't able to expand that thought. It pains me that the soundtrack for "Across the Universe" is more popular to Loyola students than "Revolver" or "Rubber Soul." Mostly, though, it pains me because there are so many un-informed "Beatles fans" at Loyola that don't know shit. My roomate, Taylor DeBoer, once made a kid cry because the kid said he was a Beatles fan and Taylor confronted him. Maybe a bit too strong, but he had the right idea.

For those of you reading this that fall into the un-informed, follow my list of Top Ten Beatles Songs to move on in your relationship with The Beatles. Listening to 1 has some gems like "Yesterday" and "Something" (quite possibly the greatest love song ever), but there are plenty of Beatles songs that deserve the spotlight.

#1) Tomorrow Never Knows - Revolver
This is the defining track from The Beatles. It solidified the transformation into rock gods.
#2) Dear Prudence - The Beatles (White Album)
This gem appears on side 1 of The White Album and helps set the tone for the whole thing.
#3) I Want You - Abbey Road
I want you sounds like it could have come from the Velvet Underground at the end, and I love it.
#4) For No One - Revolver
For No One is as strong as "Yesterday" and includes a fantastic horn solo.
#5) She's Leaving Home - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Clubs Band
This is one of the only songs in which none of the Fab Four play any instruments.
#6) And I Love Her - A Hard Day's Night
One of the few early Beatles songs I enjoy. Simple acoustic and heartfelt lyrics. A deadly combo.
#7) Across the Universe - Let It Be
Most people know the version from the movie. It's like knowing Stephen Baldwin, not Alec.
#8) She Said She Said - Revolver
This is the song Oasis wish they could've written. An absolute masterpiece with a solid riff.
#9) Lovely Rita - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Clubs Band
Who knew a song about a meter maid could be so wondrous?
#10) I Want To Tell You - Revolver
"But if I seem to act unkind, it's only me it's not my mind." Superb lyrics with some catchy guitar work.

Please give more than the number one hits a look.

Sidenote: I didn't include songs that I thought were too well known that weren't on 1 as well. "A Day In The Life" isn't on 1, but most people know it.

JF: Why I (and Everybody Else) MUST Love Lady GaGa

The talking heads have been telling us that we are a diseased generation ever since the advent of Napster in 2001. They’ve said that we don’t appreciate what we have; that we’re the generation that invented instant gratification without ever being grateful for the instant. Weaned on broadband and HD, we’re the intolerant generation – the ones who perfected impatient foot tapping. These talking heads, the ones who are so prone to backward-looking deification; they’ve named a disorder after us. Attention Deficit.

There are measurable symptoms of this disorder. Neal Postman attempted to enumerate these symptoms in his 1992 bitch-fest Technopoly but fell short due to his inability to equate technological advancement with progress (or maybe it was his inability to separate glory and antiquity, or perhaps a simple lack of articulation throughout). In essence, I disagree with Postman – but I see the merit in what he was attempting to say. So allow me, as someone who both observes and analyzes instead of just one or the other, to explain absent the tired social commentary of an aged zealot.

Level with me, virtual generation. Let’s be real with each other.

We value the instant. Things tend to change frequently in our world so we get used to adaptation. We reach out through social media to one another, spreading across countries by our fingertips. We’re living through screens, adopting avatars, calling texting “interaction” and dancing to the songs made from the fiber optic throats of robots. We bore easily and don’t apologize it. We are visually-oriented. We learn through video, through so-called “rich” media. However, we are bombarded by images, most of which are sexual in nature. Sex becomes ingrained in our everyday lives, accepted – normative. Because of this, we’ve been seen as a demographic lacking in…moral fiber.

This is, of course, a gross generalization. There are elements of accuracy in this but my viewpoint and analysis is by no means all-encompassing. Bear with me. Sure, there are downsides to this way of life but technology is our revolution. We will be remembered (renowned?) for what the microchips we develop are able to simulate. The PlayStation was our Woodstock.

So when the fuck am I gonna talk about Lady GaGa, you ask?

Lady GaGa, since bursting into the mainstream with her 2008 electro-pop hit “Just Dance.” The smash-hit, which coupled a synthed-up back beat and eager lyrics glorifying the party lifestyle of the Y Generation, was well received globally, reaching #1 in six separate countries. GaGa (I believe that’s the proper capitalization), admittedly wrote the song in ten minutes while fighting a hangover. Four months later she released her second single “Poker Face” which achieved similar success.

From there it’s been a string of hits, one after another, including 2009’s “LoveGame” wherein GaGa proclaims her desire to “ride” a young man’s “disco stick (it’s my personal favorite, there’s just something in the way she grunts when she sings ‘with a smile on your mouth and a hand on your HUH!’ that makes my penis tingle with joy). She also made an appearance on Wale's single first single “Chillen” from the album ironically titled “Attention: Deficit.” Lady GaGa’s second album “The Fame Monster” is well on its way to permeating our airwaves with its catchy surges and harping melodies.

GaGa attested to writing “LoveGame” in only four minutes. She’s released two landmark albums and seven successful singles in less than two years. The beats, produced by RedOne, are robotic, a brilliant manipulation of actual sound that drives our hips into spasm. Her lyrics are vivid, brazenly sexual and magnetically simple. You like Lady GaGa. Even if you try to hate her. You know what, try to hate her…I’ll give you a moment…Didn’t work did it? You love the shit out of her and her silly dresses. She is everything you have asked for.

Lady GaGa was built to thrive in this generational atmosphere. She has kept us uninterruptedly entertained, finding her viability in the social/electronic media that defines our generation. Although some may label her as a tactless, uncouth, cock-worshipping troubadour of heathen sex (reference needed), we must stop and recognize her impeccable savvy. She has addressed our needs dually.

It’s that perfect combination of factors, that unmatched foresight for her audience that has us all singing along: “GAGA OOH LA LA.”

I promise I’m not gay.

JF

PT: Pat is disgruntled with statuses

The Detailer

Nobody gives a shit about the mundane goings-on throughout your day. Don’t put them in your status. “Jenn is going to work from 8-3 then back home 4 a kwik shower before heading out to Lancaster to see me family for dinner. Girlzzzz night tonight!!!!! JD, CS, KE, LF and MB. All this after waking up at 7 a.m. with a massive hangover from too many shotz. FML”

Yeah?

Nobody cares you douchebag. First and foremost, the people that would care most likely already know what the fuck you’re doing. And by people that care I mean your boss at work who knows that you’re scheduled from 8-3, your family that you’re visiting and the girlzzzz. Nobody else needs to know or wants to know about the trivial nonsense that happens throughout the course of your day.

The Emo-Tell-All

If you couldn’t tell, I love ranting. But when I have a problem with a specific person, do you know what I do? Fucking talk to them. Call them, meet up with them, whatever. Putting your problems with somebody in a Facebook status is not only a cheap shot, but it’s juvenile as hell and nobody really cares. “Kyle says fuck you guys, you were supposed to be my friends. But I guess that whore knows you better than your best friend growing up. I’m done with this shit.”

Way to go Kyle. Not only do you look like a whiny, thirteen-year-old girl, but you’ve just put out to the public that you have no friends anymore. Instead of making your friends look like dicks, you just look like an impotent asshole with problems confronting people to their face and solving issues in a reasonable manner.

The Lover

We’ve all seen this. Whether we’ve been this person, know this person or dated this person, there are always the groups of people who put too much love into Facebook. “Chelsea says Happy 3 and a half months Tommy!!!!! I love you more than you can know! Xoxoxoxo. You get me through everything baby!!”

You can always tell who these people are by the random numbers they use as anniversary guides. Here’s how the guide goes for celebrating anniversaries. 6 months, 1 year, 2 year, 3 year, 4 year, 5 year, 10 year and increments of five henceforth. A three month anniversary? Are you shitting me? Is that really something to be proud of? You know relationships in America are in an awful place when we expect celebration for being able to stomach one person for 92 days at the most. Also, people need to stop putting “<3” in there as well. When I see “James <3” I think to myself, “It sucks that James will never be a higher integer than three.” It’s not clever. Now if it said “James 8=====D~~~~;)” I’d think to myself, “James has got some good aim, but why is this girl telling us he got her in the eye?” Still, it’s better.

The Person Affected by Any Death. Anywhere. Ever.

Ah, Facebook. You reveal more than you know. When I see a status that says, “Jane says Only the Good Die Young. RIP Kelly,” I start to die a little inside. Because more often than not, it’s somebody that the person was only loosely related to. Also, upon further investigation and interrogation of this person, you find that “Kelly” was a 93 year-old woman who once sat next to Jane when she took her grandmother to Bingo. And it wasn’t a humorous status either, because she’s crying. A cousin’s uncle’s brother-in-law’s dog doesn’t warrant a status of their own. The absurdity needs to stop!

Also, people, if you’re going to put a RIP in your status, don’t go so generic with “May Angels Lead You In” or “Only the Good Die Young.” It loses its sincerity when you take a line from a horrendous Billy Joel song (sidenote: Billy Joel is awful, Piano Man included. Fight me on it.) and is used by about a million and a half other people. How about something heartfelt. Or how about this, the deceased can’t read your status. Quit trying to draw attention to yourself and making people feel sad that you lost somebody. It happens. Deal with it in an appropriate manner and move on while honoring their memory instead of sullying it behind half-hearted statuses comprised of shitty songs.

JG: Rabble & Holiday Spirit.

so everyone here is apparently good at this poetry thing, so i tried. here's a made up poem* about yelling at a hipster who had a booger hanging from his nose.

*disclaimer: i don't know anything about meter or rhythm or what a quatrain is or any of that poetic jargon, so it may not be a very well formed poem, but here goes....

Dear Hipster, I Know You Know Almost Everything Because You Go To NYU, But I Bet You Don’t Realize That All of us Are Laughing at the Booger Hanging From Your Nose... Sincerely, The Goonies

Ha! You’re clueless

I can’t believe it

You’re really fucking clueless

Some nasal excrement

Just hanging there

Only a smidgen away from your non-prescription plastics

As you so confidently wax grandiloquently

About Obama or chai lattes or something or other

And how you abhor our skylarking and you make some

Claim how you’ve mentally surpassed music

While your old friends

Sit and snicker at you

I hope it dribbles down and stains your fucking Joan of Arc top,

Cause Ernesto Guevara was last year’s t-shirt martyr

Ha! No way! It actually just wiggled!

Just as you started to

Squawk at our beer cans and enlighten us that

You eschew from petty grog because

Cocaine is the only real high...

It totally wiggled!

I could tell you about the drivel, I guess

It’d be nice to perform

A beau geste for the beau monde

But it’s hard to interrupt your thesis

That American film as we know it is dead and

The last gasp of cinematic adventure

Lies in the hands of French directors

So dramatically drape your scarf around your nape

And begone with your prim gait

You pseudo-bohemian wannabe – walk away

While your old friends

Sit and snicker at you

I hope it’s fun to look down on us

Cause upward we laugh at the sight of a fool

Ha! You really are fucking clueless.

________________________________________________________

Also, here are my favorite things of the moment:

Holiday Song: Sufjan Stevens - Come On! Let's Boogie To The Elf Dance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bzrkyy9h4x8

YouTube Video: Up Torino

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TuRbk-00Sw

And, in honor of my Festivus bacchanal tomorrow evening:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dS7-jcsB_WQ

Hope everyone's splendid,

Guiseppe.

UN: Bananafish

Bananafish by mee-aattt ddaammmooonn

"It's a perfect day for bananafish"
I said as I turned to her.
The sun shone down, piercing
as the waves met her ankles.
A cold chill rushed down her spine
And goosebumps appeared on
Her once unblemished skin
Now speaking to me in brail.
I traced the letters with the
Tips of my shivering fingers
And read the words to myself
As I looked her over.

"The exterior may change
but it's what's inside that counts."

MM: My Gingerbread Hut

Hi, my name is Meag, or Meag Nation, or Meagolas, or Meagaroni and Cheese, or Everyday Meag – whichever you prefer. I am always open to new nicknames.

I find the concept of The Stairs That Lead Nowhere fascinating yet terrifying at the same time. Directionless blogging!? How am I supposed to pick something to write about from the infinite amount of ideas there are in the world? And how am I supposed to form it into something that people actually want to read?

Anyone who knows me probably knows that I have this thing where I won’t show anyone anything I write. Ever. Sometimes when I am done writing something, I can’t even read it myself and I promptly delete it. So the fact that I am sharing this post with you right now is a really big deal for me. I hope you enjoy it.

WARNING: Gingerbread houses are not my thing. They require a lot of patience and self control, neither of which I have when graham crackers refuse to stay standing and candy is sitting within my reach.

Earlier today, I walked through a gingerbread house display and sent a picture of this particularly enchanting house to a friend claiming it was mine:



After I eventually admitted I was not the creative genius who assembled the house, he challenged me to make one of my own. I’m all about passing up challenges that I don’t deem myself fit to overcome, but he made me feel bad about not accepting because he is a heartless person. I gathered anything I could find and went to work. One frustrating hour later, some semblance of a gingerbread hut was formed.

Materials used:
Spiced Wafers (Philadelphia’s Original Ginger Snap) – I couldn’t find graham crackers, but I thought these Philly cookies would be a nice personal touch. Plus they’re actually ginger, unlike graham crackers.
One KitKat Bar
Two packets of Peanut M&Ms
One packet of Raisinets
One packet of Starburst
One Cookies-n-Crème Hershey bar
One Milk Chocolate Hershey bar
One Reese Cup
I couldn’t find any icing, so this hut was held together by faith and some swear words I would throw at it whenever it moved.



This is a frontal view of my gingerbread hut, complete with a spacious KitKat bar front porch (this is no run-of-the-mill hut, people.). I think the circular Reeses Cup front door adds some character and quirkiness to the curb appeal, combined with the Peanut M&M lawn. I made the executive decision to throw the Raisinets in the back, because who actually enjoys Raisinets?



This side view captures the architecturally-unsound structure of the walls. My sister, who is close to getting her masters in architecture from University of Maryland, gave my hut a look of disgust, but I was able to fend off her criticism with a Starburst. In the giving mood, I also gave my dad my second Reese, thinking a back door was unnecessary for a hut. It already had a front porch, I didn’t want to get too carried away. I would regret this moment of kindness a few minutes later.



So, the roof caved in. At this point, I had already eaten half of the Peanut M&M lawn, and I was already sick of the wafer walls falling and the Starbursts neglecting their duty of…well I don’t really know what they were supposed to be doing. Let’s say they were adding some color to the foundation. But they kept falling over. And it was annoying. Anyways, my first instinct was to repair the damage with my extra Reese, but my dad had already devoured it. I decided huts are allowed to have holes in the roof, so I left it as it was.

Let it be known that I am mortified to be posting this horrible excuse for a gingerbread house on the Internet, but I see this as the first step toward me letting going of my fear of sharing my creative side with others. I know it isn’t the best gingerbread house ever made, but I hope you won’t judge me for its faults, and I think it has some unique characteristics that make it somewhat endearing.

Peace out!
Meag

JG: These Are My People.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Lax%20Bro

PT: Pat's Tunes

Hey Everybody,

My name's Pat Taylor and I'll leave DK to the social commentary, Jerry to the poetry and Shauna to the friends. Those of you who know me know that I love a few things: Laying treats, wearing the same thing for days on end, and music. I figure I'll devote my posts to mostly music related things, so I figured that I would start off by posting videos from my favorite artists. The first is Elliott Smith, a singer/songwriter who started off in the 90's up until his death in 2003. The video from him is a song called "Angeles" off of the 1997 album Either/Or (A Soren Kierkegaard reference, but I digress). His live performances were sometimes hit or miss because of his drug addictions and alcoholism, but this show from 2000 he was spot on, and it's the best version of "Angeles" I've seen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvaToTPrHFE

The second artist is an Englishman named Nick Drake. He was making music from the late 60's until his death in 1974 from an overdose. His most famous album is Pink Moon, a crictically acclaimed album that consists primarily of just Drake and his guitar, with the exception of the overdubbed piano on the title track. Nick Drake's previous two albums, Five Leaves Left and Bryter Layter, consisted of lush sound and instrumentation behind his hushed vocals. The song I'm posting is called "One of These Things First" from Bryter Layter, and was featured on the soundtrack for Garden State. I hope you enjoy it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0S2xe_CWzE

The third is from Jeff Buckley, or, as most of the world knows him, the "Hallelujah guy." His 1994 debut, Grace, is seen as one of the greatest debuts of all time. It consists of classic Jeff Buckley songs like "Grace", "Hallelujah" and "Last Goodbye." However, there's one song of the album that i feel doesn't get it's due respect, and it's the first track. "Mojo Pin" is a phenomenal way to start off Grace, and it really shows off Buckley's skill on guitar and his vocal range. From 3:57 on, the song sends shivers, starting with Buckley's ability to carry a note. Lyrically, the song is a masterpiece and one that deserves attention. Quick note, there should be a lot more from Buckley but his life was cut short in 1997 after drowning in a tributary of the Mississippi.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBeP6drdNuw

The fourth is from a band from the Big Star, which consisted of Alex Chilton, Andy Hummel, Jody Stephens and Chris Bell. The first album, #1 Record, was released in June, 1972, and is home to some breathtaking tracks. No track on the album is more profound or simple than the ballad "Thirteen." Thirteen is considered to be one of, if not the, greatest Big Star songs of all time, and is also listed on Rolling Stone's top 500 songs of all time. It has been covered countless times, most notably by Elliott Smith, but the original is a small piece of heaven.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pte3Jg-2Ax4

The fifth and final video post from me comes from a relativle new group known as Bon Iver. Bon Iver consists of Justin Vernon, Michael Noyce, Sean Carey and Matthew McCaughan. Bon Iver released their first album, For Emma: Forever Ago, in the UK and Europe through 4AD in 2008, and the album was a major hit in the indie music scene. The album consists of songs that cut to the core and could spark emotion out of Gob Bluth (for those of you out there who watch Arrested Development). Vernon's voice is beautifully raw and his melodic guitar is enough to leave you thinking of lost love and opportunities. The song "Re: Stacks" is the standout for me on the album, though most would contest that the real gems are "Skinny Love" and "Flume." However, there's a feel to "Stacks" that I just can't put my finger on, and it always works as a sedative.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?vePatjIwB-sI

I hope you enjoy these songs from these great artists and I'll be back real soon with more musical suggestions.

SB: Future Friend

This is the Wizard of New Zealand that can be found outside of the Christchurch Cathedral in Cathedral Square in Christchurch NZ. He is apparently a wise, amiable man with a vibrant personality. I would like to meet him...I think we could be great friends.

With a little TLC,

Your friend,

Shauna