CR: EXTREME!!! ...Sports

As most of us know, New Zealand is a country that prides itself on being a forerunner in the arena of EXTREME!!!..sports. They even subtly have a lesser form of extreme in their name…yes zeal (those sly kiwis). They thought no one was going to notice…well they were wrong. Well this faintly fanatic American would like to set it clear that U.S.A is the most extreme of them all and Barack Obama is the Commander and Chief of Extreme. Motivated by this inaccuracy of extremeness, I will methodically expose NZ as a country not quite as extreme as the ole US of A, but as a major trendsetter of quasi-extreme sports in the modern day Oceania/Antarctica regions.

Wikipedia defines extreme sports as certain activities perceived as having a high level of inherent danger, and that are counter-cultural. These activities often involve speed, height, a high level of physical exertion, and highly specialized gear or spectacular stunts. Counter-cultural you say? I would like to further explore this tid-bit about extreme sports being counter-cultural; and the relevance it has to college age American citizens that plan to study abroad in New Zealand.

As we all know (I’m implying all you readers have an equal knowledge of a multitude of primitive sociological processes and histories as I), NZ is a mestizo of British and local Maori cultures. Even when these two cultures combine, they lack the extremeness that the American people live each and everyday. According to the definition of extreme sports-basketball, ice hockey, cheerleading, shuffle-boarding, four-square, underground dog-fighting(maybe too extreme), beer pong( that’s what they call it in NZ too..weird), and numerous other American recreations, would blow the minds of the Kiwi people. I accept this cultural difference and will thoroughly exploit this technicality while I am a humble guest there. We’ll be their Tony Hawk, their Picabo Street, their Ricky Bobby; flying higher, going faster, and being sexier than they ever conceived. This is fitting for our length of stay as we will not be there long enough to have a lasting affect on their culture. Like the extreme sports stars I listed they are placed in the spotlight for a short period of time; idolized by all then forgotten till the next X-games, the next winter Olympics, or Talladega Nights part Deux.

Now here is an alternative if we stayed a little longer than 4.5 months (exactly half a baby).
Our not-as-extreme sports will be our passageway into the extreme sports market in NZ. Sharing our culture with the Kiwi people will be one of the most rewarding experiences of our lives. Tourists will no longer anticipate glacier climbing, zorbing or bungee jumping- but they will long for the rush of a lay up, the exhilaration of the annual Auckland Speedway 800 Kilo race, or the loss of memory of a long night of binge drinking in the now accepting drinking establishments. In the end this would just be another case of Americanization (globalization, masturbation, angry Haitians, education, MEGnation, congratulations, ejaculation, trigonometry calculations…sorry sorry my boy Citizen Cope was playing in the background). Anyway, we should allow the Kiwi’s to enjoy their sense of extremeness without taking anything away from them.

The Maori word for extreme sports is “piere nuku tākaro” as found in the unofficial Webster’s Dictionary for Maori speakers.
My first born will be named Pierre Nuku Robinson, so as to be a constant reminder of my creation of UBER Extreme offspring.

Disclaimer: In no way am I saying we need to exploit this market and treat their country as if it were a fantasy land ( even though it is).

Check out this video to see what un “Extreme” looks like.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=horzY6UWl9E

For more on Maori less extreme sports check out this super cool link:
http://history-nz.org/kiorahi.html

-SoccerjiggalosPen15