SB: Shona-isms

1. Friends not Foes.
2. Variety is indeed, the spice of life.
3. Life should be a musical.  Prime example, Elf. I’m in a store and I’M SINGING!
4. 4 year olds are sadists.  I’m all about babes but if I got one of them, I’m gonna do my best to lease it out for a year until it grows out of the evil phase.  I advise you to do the same
5. Samwise Gamgee is the true hero of Lord of the Rings.  He is not in love with Frodo, he is just THE best friend in all the land.
6. Produce is a very scary thing.
7. Hand written letters are a forgotten art form.
8. On a happy note, Muppets.  Jim Henson you are a genius.  There’s nothing the muppets can’t do! Take Manhattan,  Treasure Island, manamanoh! So much joy!    MANAMANOH
9. Email and facebook on a phone is stupid.  If you get your email and facebook on your phone then what’s the point of having a computer?  To make spreadsheets and word documents? Bitch please.
10.  If you find glitter on your face, it means you are happy.

JG: Aidan's Monsters

So, I am currently buying a picture of Gill Man.  Not only is he my favorite character in the 80's classic The Monster Squad, but it is in support of possibly the coolest charity I've heard of (and I read about it first on Barstool of all places).  The charity, Aidan's Monsters, is to support Aidan, a 5-year old boy recently diagnosed with leukemia.  Below is a little more about him:

         "Aidan is no ordinary 5 year old boy, in fact he is quite extraordinary. What sets him apart from most kids is his love for all things scary. He loves monsters, clowns, drawing, and dressing up. He does not wait for Halloween to roll around to have an excuse to wear a costume. And you better believe while in costume he will break character for nothing.

             Another thing that makes Aidan different than most children is that on September 13, 2010 he was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL).  He was strong and pulled through his first round of chemo all while teasing his nurses and vistors. Although this was a small victory Aidan, unfortunately, must go through 2 to 3 more years of chemo treatments and everything that goes along with that."

After considerations to sell the house due to staggering medical bills, the family decided to start selling some of Aidan's absolutely fantastic drawings of monsters to help offset the impact of the costs.  The art is not only for a great cause, its all awesome as well.  

So far, he is reportedly doing well.  Though, just two weeks ago he was diagnosed with a Staph infection that is postponing his chemo for a month.  The charity is also thriving, gaining lots of popularity and significantly improving the family's situation.

Prints are 8.5x11 and are an absolute steal at just $12.00 American dollars.  I'm going to get Gill Man, but there's some pretty sweet ones, like this Mr. Potato Head.

Check out these links:  
Learn About Aidan
Buy The Monsters!!

MM: The Sing-A-Long Man

This weekend some TSTLNers and I traveled to our nation's capital to explore the Georgetown nightlife with our dear friend GTP and to check out the Stewart/Colbert rally.  I don't have time to recap, but I thought I'd share this video of an inspiring DC Metro bonding experience.  As people packed themselves into the Metro cars, sacrificing their personal bubble all to have their sanity and/or fear restored, Stairs blogger JF fulfilled one of his life-long dreams and became known to all in the Metro car as "Sing-a-Long Man."

Not pictured in video: Man who whipped out a harmonica to accompany the beautiful singing.

I hope everyone had a fantastic Halloween!
Peace out,
Meag



PS. Just one of many awesome signs at the rally:

Kanye West Has Lost His Fucking Mind, And I Love Every Second Of It

Soooooo Kanye "I'm A Crazy Person" West decided to make a 30-minute movie called Runaway in order to promote his new single Runaway (the movie features new Kanye West songs, including the single Runaway).  I decided to document my experience...

Runaway: An “As I Watch It” Description

Open on Kanye running.  Cut to Kanye in an expensive car, speeding through the woods.  Kanye rapping in the background of course.  With only a few deer as witnesses, shit goes down.  Fire everywhere, the car destroyed.  The news thinks a comet has hit the earth, but in front of his car Kanye finds a beautiful winged-woman lying in front of his car.  Clad in only the wings on her back and the trace amounts of feathers that wrap around to cover her naughtiest of parts, she awakes in Kanye’s apartment.  She sees the news, which is explaining its theory.  The TV is shut off, and Kanye has his first line: “First Rule In This World Baby, Don’t Pay Attention to Anything You See on the News.”

Boom.  More music.  More images of explosions.  The winged outer space woman, who has two yellow, extra long fingernails on each hand, begins crawling around Kanye’s backyard, which features a rabbit, a sheep, and one of the deer from earlier.  Inside, she does some sort of erotic dance.  Kanye takes her to see fireworks.  A marching band plays, but we don’t hear them over Rihanna.  She laughs.  There appears to be a giant blow-up Michael Jackson head in the center of the marching band.

Back home.  Silence.  She is very intrigued by an ornate mug.

More Kanye music.  Cut to a long white dinner table in a large, otherwise empty warehouse.  Everyone at dinner wears a nice white suit or dress, except of course for the unnamed woman from outer space with wings – though she does appear to have her hair done nicer and a brand new golden headpiece.  She smells her soup, then picks up what looks like a bejeweled loaf of bread.

FUCKING EXCELLENT.

A woman just served water, then got silent, and the man next to Kanye looks at him and says, “Your Girlfriend is really beautiful.”

Kanye: “Thank You.”

Man: “Do You Know She’s A Bird?”   (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Kanye: “Nah I Never Noticed That.” (NOO FUCKING WAY!!!!!!!)

Man: “I mean, like, is a monkey in a zoo?”

END. Yes. Holy Shit. Yes. Great Fucking Dialogue. This is fucking CHAOS!

Kanye walks to a random piano and hits a few keys.  About twenty ballerinas run into the room. Back to Music.  Plays that song that goes “Let’s Have a toast for the douche bags…” and they dance to it.  The winged woman… err… bird watched intently in the background.  Everyone toasts but her.  It’s been a few minutes since I’ve seen any explosions – have they gone away from that?  Line of note in the song: “24/7, 365, Pussy stays on my mind.”  Lots of ballerina close-ups.  Dragging on a lot, this is probably their big break.  The Shins ballet idea was definitely ripped from Kanye.  Oh my goodness who wants to get this on a big screen and have a viewing party??  It’s just one ballerina now, having a pretty long and intense solo.  Kanye gives a half-bow with his hand over his heart.  Everyone seems pleased as the ballerinas run out.

Back to dinner.  NO WAY.  They serve a giant turkey RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER!!! Her wings, now fully extended for the first time, are revealed to be fucking huge and begin to flutter.  She backs up and starts crying and doing some weird bird scream thing as more Kanye music starts.  Side Note: she now has long fingernails on all her fingers. 

Cut to explosions – Phew, I was getting nervous.  She is depressed and sitting next to the sheep.  Cut to clouds.

Bird-Woman: “Can I ask you a question?  All the statues that we see, where do you think they came from?”

Kanye: “I think that artists carved them years and years ago.”

Bird-Woman: “No. They Are Phoenix Turned To Stone.”

Kanye: (laughs) “Baby…

Bird-Woman: (interrupts) “They are phoenix turned to stone.  Do you know what I hate most about your world? Anything that is different you try to change.  Try to tear it down.  You rip the wings off the phoenix and they turn to stone.  And if I don’t burn, I will turn to stone.”

Kanye: “What do you mean burn?” (Kanye’s voice honestly sounds like a 3-year-old’s)

Bird: “If I don’t burn I can’t go back to my world.”

Kanye: “But I don’t want you to go back to your world.  I want you to stay here with me.”  (Is this shit ripped out of a kids movie or something? Peter Pan, don't leave Neverland?)

Bird: “I have to go back.”

Kanye: No. I’ll Never Let You Burn.

END CONVERSATION.  WOODS by Bon Iver starts playing as they kiss for the first time. Fantastic! Great segue!

Cut to the bird-woman riding him, though Kanye is still in a full suit.  Only 6 and a half more minutes of this masterpiece.  Cut to another explosion (I guess he came?). 

Overhead shot of backyard pans to show Kanye waking up on his sidewalk in a blue suit and slipper shoes.  He goes into a dead sprint into the woods.  Cut to explosion where bird-woman arises as a Phoenix!!!!! Cut back to Kanye’s sprint from the movie’s opening.  It’s still the song where he samples Woods.  She is flying above the woods.  Now she is wearing a golden chest piece over her breasts.  Shit is going down.  This is a fucking must-watch for everyone.  What looks like a comet is soaring straight up in the air, but we all know it’s her, the unnamed bird woman from a different world, the phoenix.

The End.

FUCK.  I wanted that shit to last forever.  I was cheated of the last three minutes because I wasn’t anticipating the credits.  Rookie mistake I guess.  I do recommend listening to the ridiculous thing that plays during the credits.

Anyways, here's the movie... Do Enjoy...

Ps. Does anyone remember this?

DK: Vonnegut

Thanks to (http://www.robertlpeters.com/news/?paged=5)

JG: Bars in Baltimore.

Sooooo, someone had to do this, and since I’m better at procrastinating than all of you, here goes…

Since I arrived in the Charm City, I realized it was a place that could be very fun (the day I hit 21).  I’ve longed to explore the city that a bench once described as ‘The Most Beautiful City in the World’.  This is our last year here, and my first as a legal drinker.  As much as I want to see everything I can, I also want to drink in as many places I can.  I have finally drank in Powerplant, but at the end of the day it truly perturbs me that I’ve already been inside Favorite’s Pub approximately six times, so lets start moving.  Here’s to exploration (and alcoholism).

Canton:

Looney’s:

It looks like a hole-in-the-wall, but apparently its pretty big and fun. 

******My goal is to explore Canton this Friday, as I hear its great and any time I’ve been down there I’ve noted my desire to drink there.  My plan is to get dinner and drinks at Mama’s (cool little seafood place next door)  or Portside Tavern and then venture here and a few of the other bars.  Hopefully all will join – expect mass texts soon.******

Portside Tavern:

No idea on price, but supposed to be a good time.

Fell’s Point:

Max’s Taphouse:

Now, I’ve wanted to go here since freshman year, but generally assumed I would not be allowed in.  This will probably get a bit pricy, but the food menu is reasonable and they have happy hour specials during the week.  Plus, it’s basically my beer heaven.  Hell, it even has an A rating on the always-snooty Beer Advocate site.

Let’s go to the numbers: 3 bars in 1, 102 (yes, 102) beers on tap at any time, and a selection of approximately 1200 bottles from around the world.

Word.

J.A. Murphy’s:

Happy Hour Mon-Fri, 4-7p.m. = $1 shots of anything in the bar. 

Slainte:

Apparently, this is THE place for day drinking (and soccer (and rugby)(is it acceptable to put ( ) within ( )?).  Since we don’t live in Europe, there are basically soccer games played all day every day.  This place shows them all (and some rugby) live, and ensures that you can always go and have a pint with some Pat Taylor-types (the common nomenclature is hooligans).

Cat’s Eye Pub:

Old school, music every night, supposed to be a great place to drink a beer.

Federal Hill:

The Abbey Burger Bistro:

Got voted the best burger in Baltimore… What else is there to say?  Oh, there’s beer too.  And apparently they’re big into Arsenal Futbol.

Random:

Hamilton Tavern:  This seems more up me & DK’s alley – it’s not supposed to get too wild and apparently has a bangin’ without the G burger. (Hamilton)

Pratt Street Ale House:

Passed it and it looked cool.  Apparently has 27 TVs and brews its own brew.

The Laughing Pint: This is a dive bar, apparently with some solid food and microbrews.  This is meant solely for those who love Jerry’s Famous Tavern.  There is no TV, but there is pool, board games, shuffleboard, and I’m pretty sure ping pong (yes!).  The goal here is conversation, folks (calling all Jacob’s Lofters?). (near Canton)

Brewer’s Art:

Not sure where this is, but Shauna tells me I would like it, so I must go soon.

Random Events/Good Excuses to Day Drink

Oct. 2-3: Fells Point Fun Festival (Free)

(lots of shopping and a beer garden with live music)

Oct. 7-17: Baltimore Beer Week

(Random events at random bars for eleven random days)

Oct. 9: Octoberfest ($20)

(I think this is the day of Craig’s Bi-Annual Fest anyways, but just fattening up the list)

Sunday Oct. 17: 2010 Baltimore Beer Festival ($35)

All Saturdays & Sundays Through Oct. 24:

The Maryland Renaissance Festival

Ok, so this is about outside Baltimore (just outside Annapolis), but this sounds awesome, so let me know if anyone’s seriously interested.  Tickets are $18.  Check out their link… http://www.rennfest.com/index.php

A Brief Background of our Show:
The Maryland Renaissance Festival has become the region's premier outdoor event and the second largest Renaissance Festival in the country. Since the Festival's first season as a ramshackle village in 1977, the event has matured into a large theme show with more than 1,300 participants and 280,000 guests per season.

The Maryland Renaissance Festival employs more than 600 people during each season, working in entertainment and customer service. Eighty-five acres of parking space handle an average of 14,700 customers daily. The English Tudor village is 25 acres of woods and field that transport patrons to an era of chivalry, bawdiness, and good fun. There are more than 130 craft shops displaying many wares handmade by the village artisans. Forty-two food outlets provide a feast of foods rarely seen at other festivals. Each season, more than half a million beverages are served at the Festival's eight soft drink stands, five beer stands, and five taverns.

More than a single business, the Festival attracts thousands of tourists and tour groups to the region. The Festival has twice been recognized by the American Bus Association as one of the 100 best events in North America. United States Department of Commerce figures show that special events generate $2.40 in the local economy for each $1.00 spent at the show. An exit poll reveals an extremely satisfied customer base with 99.6% saying they will return the following year.

The Maryland Renaissance Festival, more than a fun event of entertainment, food, crafts, and attractions, is a success that has exhibited continued growth without compromising customer satisfaction.

That's all for now... see you at high school drunk.

SB: The Adventures of Smeagol

This is Smeagol at the Chinese Grauhman's Theatre

This is Smeogal at the In and Out burger eating a burger animal style.  Yeah he's a carnivore.

This is Smeagol and I in front the treacherous Mount Doom!! EEEEK!

This is Smeagol in San Francisco with a foggy view of Alcatraz in the distance.

This is Smeagol in a fabulous lagoon in Rarotonga Cook Islands!  

This is Smeagol on the Hobbiton set in Matamata New Zealand!

This is Smeagol in Beverly Hills.  Classy fellow.

This is Smeagol getting in touch with some art.  He's an intellectual.

PT: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

She took both my hands,
Looked me in my eyes
And said
"There's something I've wanted
to tell you for years.
I know you hate vodka
And I know you love beer.
You can hold your shit
But please don't boast
Always remember that






JORDI DRINKS THE MOST

MM: Oh Crap! My Book Just Died...I Gotta Go Plug It In And Recharge!

The title to this post is a sentence that was never meant to be spoken in the past, present, or future of the universe.

I’m starting to realize that almost all of my posts on The Stairs are me complaining about change. I apologize. But I feel very strongly about this so here we go again…

A few days ago I went to Barnes and Noble with my mom because I wanted to buy a book and I knew if I went with her she would offer to buy it and I would insist that “no, no, I got it, don’t worry about it,” and then she still wouldn’t let me pay for it and I would get a free book. Win!

Anyway, we walked into the store and were greeted by a giant display counter with Nook stuff all over the place. For anyone who is not in-the-know on the latest technology, the Nook is this small rectangular device on which you can buy and read books. That’s about as technical as I can get describing it without making a fool of myself, but I can explain it in plenty of other ways. A tragedy in the world of literature. The end of books as we know it. One of the many steps society is taking toward a future of lazy, boneless individuals who are unaware of the simple pleasures of the world around them. Picture the future depicted in WALL-E. That’s what we’re headed for. All because of the Nook. (Let’s just hope WALL-E and Eeeeeeevvvvvaaaa will be around to save us from imprisonment within our lifeless bodies and unstimulated minds.)

My mom had been considering looking into buying one of these satanic devices for a while, so the display grabbed her attention. I made the mistake of abandoning her to go search for my book, and returned to find a Barnes and Noble employee asking her which cover she would like for her new Nook. NOOOOO!!!!!!

I’ll admit; the Nook guy was pretty convincing. If I wasn’t so opposed to change and a little bit less poor, I probably would’ve been walking out of there with a Nook too. My mom ate up everything he said, but my skepticism and love for books had me rolling my eyes as he exclaimed that you could buy a book in seconds and that it didn’t hurt your eyes and that it had a built-in dictionary. I got the impression the guy didn’t like me very much. But whatever, I will never turn to the Dark Side.

Unfortunately, for my mom to get anything out of her new Nook, she needed me to help her set it up. As most of you know, parents and technology should never be combined. While I didn’t want to enable the use of this blasphemous purchase, my mom had bought me a book before we left the store, and she would be providing me dinner for the next week, so I begrudgingly set up the device. I got to know the thing pretty well, so I think I am informed enough to argue against it. Here are just a few of my problems with the Nook and eBooks in general:

BOOK vs. NOOK

Something tells me the Monster Book of Monsters
 wouldn't be the same as an eBook

1. The Nook can hold up to 1500 books and if you somehow own more than 1500 books there’s some backup archive thing so no worries!

That’s all fine and great, but it’s no replacement for an actual library. How are you supposed to build up a façade of intelligence and sophistication with shelves of Hemingway and Tolstoy and Faulkner for all the people that walk into your home if your books are contained inside 8x5 computer? Buying a Nook means you forgo the colorful covers and spines that give your book character and an identity. The Nook makes your favorite book just a few megabytes in a digital database that no one will ever see.

2. The Nook makes life easier for you: no need to lug heavy books around or even use the energy to turn pages! And you no longer have to get up off the couch and drive to your nearest bookstore the buy a book – just power up your Nook and download it in seconds!

It is true that the Nook does make reading-on-the-go way easier. There have been many times when I couldn’t decide which book I wanted to bring along on a journey, so I brought two or three, which take up a good amount of space in my bag. And the fact that you can put all your textbooks on it is pretty convenient. I cannot deny any of this. But I think having a backpack bursting with books as you run to catch the bus builds a lot of character, especially if it splits open and spills all your precious documents into a puddle. Children are now going to grow up to be a bunch of softies that complain if they have to carry anything more than a pound father than five feet.

3. The Nook is saving the environment! Less paper equals more trees, fresher air, less trash.

Yeah it’s saving the environment, but it’s also going to take away jobs from countless people. The companies that supply the paper, the companies that make the covers, the companies that bind everything together, the companies that print everything…I’m sure I could come up with a dozen others. And going back to the previous point, by eliminating the need to go to bookstores, the Nook actually eliminates the need to even have bookstores. Soon enough, that dude that sold my mom the Nook will be sitting on his couch, unemployed, cursing the Nook he is holding in his hands because he is out of a job and cannot even afford to buy anything on the blasted device.

4. The Nook charge lasts for about 10 days worth of reading (or 20 hours!).

Twenty hours of battery life is more than I would have estimated, but the fact that you have to recharge your book still baffles my mind. Like every piece of technology, the battery life will deteriorate and the system will start to lag and you’ll probably have to return it or get it fixed at least twice. This is not how reading is supposed to work! You’re supposed to be able to take books on the beach without worrying about getting sand on them. If you get caught in a thunderstorm and your book gets wet, that’s unfortunate but once you let it dry it has a nice weathered look to it and is still completely readable. Dropping your nook in some sand or dirt probably won’t end too well. In fact, I would guess dropping it at all isn’t advisable. And spill some water on it you’re out $150.

5. The Nook offers so many things that books never could: digital lending, a built-in dictionary, Wi-Fi that gives you instant access to pretty much every book ever written…

Here’s where I just throw up my arms and turn into an old person who says “what is this world coming too!? Back in the good ol’ days we drove to the library if we didn’t want to buy a book. Or we’d borrow one from friends. Or we’d save up and go to the bookstore and browse the shelves with the physical books right before our very eyes. Shelves and shelves of thousands of books! It was quite the sight…”

The dictionary is pretty cool though. But there’s always Google. Or an actual dictionary but that’s something that our grandparents can lament the obsoleteness off.

My main point is this: Nooks take away what books actually are – binded pages that tell a story. The essential parts of the book-reading experience are opening up to that first page, turning each one as you feel it beneath your fingertips, leaving a ticket stub or receipt in the spot you stopped reading. All of this disappears with the Nook. You have to press a power button to read your book. This is just absurd, I cannot put it any more eloquently. No matter how many times you read your favorite book on a Nook, it will never show the wear and tear and love that that book received. No more bent spines or dog-eared pages or coffee stains. Just an impersonal, weightless file on a computer.

To each his own, I guess. My mom is so proud of being more technologically advanced than me and makes a big show of stretching out on the couch and powering up her Nook every night when she reads. She’s happy, so I’ll let this particular Nook customer slide. But if you run across me ten years from now sitting on a bench reading from a Nook, please slap me in the face, steal it, and throw it in the nearest trashcan or body of water. I’ll be eternally greatful, I’m sure.

Peace out!

Meag 

JF: A Poem for Toys R Us Kids

Ed. Note: After reading Meag's post on graduation/general explosions of youthful glory, I decided to post this similiarly-themed poem I wrote last week. Also, this poem was originally written on my kickass typewriter. Enjoy.

Miracle Bubbles

Mother mixes soap & water in a stone washbasin
      & combs the mixture with a wooden fork.

You & I take turns raking the wind,
     berthing a stream of translucent planets,
     a rainbow in e v e r y o n e.
We haunch low beneath their wobbling orbit
     & do our best to break them on our nose-bridges,
     another miracle exploding into the afternoon sky.
You & I, we giggle like little kids
     because that’s what we are.

CW: Listen, I Just Don't Understand Domestic Animals

I don’t know when I came to this realization, but I do not understand domesticated animals. Dogs, cats, ferrets, birds, fish… I don’t care if it’s swimming, running, flying, I just do not understand the appeal of having an animal live in your home. Many people rag on me about my anti-pet mindset, which prompts many debates where I just cannot win and conclude with saying, “different strokes for different folks” but not this time avid Stair readers!


Today I took the advice of MM and instead of packing for college I watched “Marley and Me”. Why would a person like me watch such a movie? Because I WANT to understand pets, more specifically…dogs. People freaking LOVE dogs! WHY?? Last week I had my first experience babysitting a family who has a dog. As I walked in the dog and I just had a stare down; we both knew we were in for a challenging night. The kids and I were having a great time dancing to Michael Jackson in the basement until I went upstairs for some waters. Not much to my surprise that filthy dog peed on the floor. Taking the 6 years old’s advice I cleaned the pee up with Windex. Does Windex have some special dog repellent in it? Does it have a strong chemical that secretly does an exceptional job at killing dog pee germs? I asked myself these questions as I forwent the Lysol for Windex. Who am I to question the dog-loving 6 year old? Not knowing the excretion system of dogs I figured it needed to let some more waste out, so I released it outside. The children exclaimed the dog didn’t have its collar on so all three of us went running outside after the dog. The 8 year old finally caught it and put it on its leash (should I not be calling this dog an ‘it’?). We tie it up to the basketball net and continue to play nicely outside, enjoying our dear old time; talking about Shark Week and jumping over ropes. Again, not much to my surprise the dog is digging in the dirt, getting all dirty! That’s what dogs, by wild nature, are supposed to do. But this dog lives in a beautiful home on the mainline of Villanova. I’m sure mud and dirt and worms are unwanted on this family’s Ralph Lauren couches. I immediately take the dog inside to its cage, wag my finger at it and sternly say, “bad dog!” even though I don’t think it did anything wrong, it’s a dog, but don’t they need to be reprimanded in some way? Eventually the kids want the dog out of the cage so I let it out as we go upstairs. Mmm less than 10 minutes upstairs, the 8 year old tells me the dog is pooping…on the carpet. I just look at it, telling the kids I have no idea what to do, I don’t know what to do with dogs. Eventually I clean it up, put the dog in the cage, wag my finger and say, “bad dog!”

This suit would have been nice to have for the dog.

Now, I do not blame dogs. How are they to know any better? They are wild animals who belong in nature, free to sniff butts, poop anywhere, lick anything, run around and worry about knocking over laps or tearing up furniture. It’s what they do! I blame humans who try to tame animals for their own emotional benefit and hedonistic pleasure. I’m a psych major so you’d think I’d understand this cognitive/emotional attachment thing, right? Nope. But, I do know that many beliefs and thoughts stem from childhood. Growing up I had 4 older siblings, two little brothers and a fish. That’s all we could handle. Why have dogs when you have the love and attention from 6 siblings? It’s really annoying to me that I don’t understand dogs and the emotional “man’s best friend” connection. That’s why when I’m older I want a dog for my children so they don’t have to suffer through harangues from their friends about how pets love you no matter what, they don’t judge you, they’re so friendly and cute, they don’t care if you got a bad grade or a horrific haircut. Whatever. They don’t know because they’re animals!!

Someone must be trying to tell me something because in the last 2 weeks I’ve had more encounters with pets than I ever have. I went to my brother and sister-in-laws’ apartment where I tried to bond with their two cats. FAIL. I tried to cuddle them and pet them and hold them, reassuring them I wasn’t going to hurt them, but they didn’t believe me and ran away!! I’m trying here, cats! Give me a chance, listen to me, let me TRY to love you! Then I went to my boyfriend’s house where they have pee-pads set up near the door in case the dog isn’t let out in time. You’re just going to have a pee-soaked pad in your house? Even worse, he stepped on the pee-pad! I don’t want that in my home where I eat and sleep and lay and play. Let’s face it, animals are dirty and I don’t want some four-legged creature running around my home or a smelly fish tank or unsightly bird cage. Life is hard enough, people. Why burden yourself with a pet?

[SPOLIER ALERT!!] Honestly, at the end of “Marley and Me” I got a little sad when I saw the kids crying, not because the dog died, but because the kids were so upset! Poor kids, getting so emotionally involved and wrapped up in a dog…that doesn’t even speak! If that dog I was sitting said, “Hey, girl I really gotta go. Can you let me out so I don’t poop all over the place?” I would have responded, “Yeaaaah doggie, of course! Thanks for letting me know. When you do poop, could you pick it up? I have friends coming over for a BBQ.”

GET AT ME.

*Note* I understand that humans are also animals, but c'mon, there's no arguing we're way superior than most.

MM: Calling All Toys R' Us Kids!

I really tried not to vent about this but I failed...

A few weeks ago I received a very solemn letter in the mail. “URGENT: Graduation Materials Enclosed” was stamped in red letters across the front, inciting a long, drawn out “NOOOOOOOOO” inside my head. As much as my friends and I have been saying we cannot believe we are seniors in college, I had never actually had to confront the official idea of it until that dreaded letter showed up in my mailbox. My fellow classmates also felt the pain of that horrible correspondence.

Where did the carefree summers of our youth go!? Why do we work instead of sleeping in every day and enjoying the sunshine? We’re not supposed to pay bills; that’s something grownups do! We’re not grownups! We’re supposed to use our money to buy clothes or movies or concert tickets or alcohol (because while we are not grownups we are 21 and can do such things!). How were we nervous, awkward freshman just yesterday and now we’re seniors having to confirm degree audits and actually think about what we need to do to graduate and leave college behind…FOR. EV. ER.? Cue the “I Don’t Wanna Grow Up, I’m a Toys R’ Us Kid” song.

When did we get so big we couldn't even fit on Big Wheels anymore?

To which I say, let’s not grow up! For now, anyways. Let’s enjoy these last couple weeks of summer in our respective locations and then unite at Loyola and live up our final months as kids yet to be thrown into the gauntlet that is the real world. We’ve had our small taste of it, and for the most part it is not very delicious. Kind of tastes like the most disgusting vegetable you can think of (for me: beets).

Then and Now: These clowns are still livin' it up 3 years later; why shouldn't you?

So do not pass up any opportunities to bask in the glory of being young and not completely responsible yet. If you’re ever torn on whether you should go out or not, GO OUT. We don’t even have to resort to the cramped and smelly confines of Murphy’s or Craig’s anymore (though they, of course, will be frequented). If you find a day where you have nothing to do and you wonder if you should do some homework, DON’T DO THE HOMEWORK. Homework is for the night (or hour) before class. Do something fun instead. We have one year left to explore Baltimore and leave our mark on a city we have been living in for three years. Let’s not hold back. Who knows if we’ll all be together again? (Oh dear, that is depressing; I apologize. Who knows when we’ll all be together again?)

Love your friends.

I’m obviously not promoting failing out of school or getting fired from jobs or anything. I don’t want any of you working at McDonalds for the rest of your life (nothing against that fine fast-food establishment). I’m simply calling everyone to take a step back, realize that this is all the time we have left, and to not let it go to waste by stressing over work or grades or being a real person. We don’t have to be real people quite yet. But when that time does come, I’m sure you’ll all own it.

Okie doke, gotta go slice some deli meat all day so I can fund this upcoming year of fun.

Peace out!
Meag

JG: I'm Losing Things.

Today, I realized I had lost two stories I had written about a year ago.  Then, in a fit of awesome, I found one of them.  Here it is before I lose it again.

All in Jest

*inspired by Shel Silverstein

There once was a young boy who followed around the local jester wherever he would go.  The boy wanted nothing more than to be just like the jester.  He simply wanted to make people laugh and see the smiles upon their faces.  It was said that the young boy’s smile was the most beautiful thing in the entire kingdom, and he was the happiest little boy anyone had ever seen...  But wait, this isn’t the story of the boy.  This is the story of the jester.  Let’s start over then, shall we?

            And so, here it goes.  There once was a typical jester in a typical kingdom ruled by a typical king.  Every day there would be a grand luncheon and the jester would entertain the king and his distinguished guests.  The crowd would laugh and the jester would smile, and the jester would return with merriment to his comfortable quarters.  The boy was there too.  But one day the good jester lost his touch, and he simply could not hear the laughter anymore.

            The jester was the only person who could dare get away with making fun of the king, and on this day he decided to joke about just that.  The young boy watched as the jester cracked about everything from war to his treatment of others to how the king simply dressed.  On any other day, this speech would be a riot.  But today it seemed all too condescending, and the jester was met with silence.  The king stopped the show; kindly hinting it was not the jester’s best performance.  The king knew he’d see better tomorrow.  And off went the jester.

            The jester was upset yet confident he would come back strong the next day.  Tomorrow I’ll sing, the jester thought.  Everyone always got a kick out of the jester’s singing voice.  And so with the young boy following close behind, the jester went into his number.  But today the jester just could not seem to hit the right notes, and once again was met with silence.  The king was not at all pleased.  But he was a tolerant king, and did not want to lose his cool in front of his guests.  He did not raise his voice, and the king kindly asked the jester to do better the next day.  And off went the jester.

            On the third day, the young boy watched the jester pack everything from apples to bowling pins.  On this day, the jester would juggle.  Everyone always loved when the jester would perform his grand juggling act, especially the king.  But today the pins would not fall the right way, landing not in his hands but upon the floor, and for the third straight day the jester was met with silence.  At this point, the king was furious.  The once tolerant king could bare it no longer.  He stood up, rousing the crowd, and shouted: “IF THIS HAPPENS AGAIN TOMORROW, YOU’LL BE A PEASANT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!”  And off went the jester.

            That night the jester was so heartbroken that he could not even prepare an act for the next day.  The young boy followed the jester to the dining hall and watched as the jester looked blank and confused.  Finally, the jester somberly spoke.  He spoke of just how it felt to be an unfunny jester.  He spoke of sadness and rain.  He spoke of coldness and pain.  He spoke of anguish and hardship and devastation and woe.  He spoke of what its like to simply not know.  He spoke of being unsure of what’s funny and what’s right.  He spoke of being too ashamed to fall asleep at night.  And just when the jester thought he could say no more.  The guests laughed and laughed until it hurt their core.  They laughed until their sides ached and their bellies screamed.  They laughed harder and harder than they could ever have dreamed.  The king was delighted at the sight of the scene, laughing so hard it even hurt his spleen!  A tormented jester was truly the funniest thing he ever had seen. 

But all rhyming aside, the now-jovial king bid the jester adieu.  And off went the jester.

            Having caused quite the stir, the jester returned once again to his quaint quarters, followed only by the uproarious howling of the crowd and, of course, the young boy.  The jester had maintained his job, the people were happy, and the jester was the center of attention once again.

            Yet, this time the jester did not return with his usual merriment; he had not shared in the laughter.  For the jester was a man of his craft, you see; he took great pride in his work.  And as he fell down into his seat, so did his tears, silhouetted by a lone candle.  The jester cried all the night through, and the jester never quite found the same laughter again.

            It was said that the sight of a crying jester was the saddest thing the young boy had ever seen.  The young boy had lost all hope in the jester, and with it had lost all hope in his own self.  The boy did not cry, but to this day has never laughed again. 

And off went the jester.

JF: What's Wrong with TSTLN Bloggers?

How about some professionalism guys?
I don't know how many times I've had to log on solely to edit the title line of a post because you knuckleheads keep goofin' it up. I know DK probably does a lot of the same.

The headlines on this particular obscure blog go like this
(First initial)(Second initial) (Colon) (Title)
Ergo...
JF: What's Wrong with TSLN Bloggers?

Also, in terms of standard journalisitic protocol,  you should probably be capitalizing all the major words in the title.

We look like g-d amateurs guys!
Tighten up!
Ship shape!
Darn tootin'!

TD: Vinyl

If Pat, Joey, and I have not already announced our "Hipsterdom" with our posts about the best and brightest from underground music or film through our very boastful opinions, than this post is the tipping point (for me atleast). No, but seriously: Vinyl is fantastic. A few weeks ago I ventured to a D.C. suburb with my fellow WLOY crew to collect over 1,500 records from a former NSA lingusist who raises cats--she had 27 felines. After spending nearly three hours sifting through the cat hair to collect Springsteen's "Born in the USA" and Frampton's "Peter Frampton Comes Alive!", the kind and quirky cat collecter offered me a shitty but free record player. 

Pat, Jordie, Jack, and I (aswell as several guests that frequent our Mt. Washington pad) have been enjoying the wonders of vinyl. From The Strokes "Is This It?" to The Beatles "Abbey Road" we've spent countless hours listening to the classics in our damp, candle lit basement. After being a vinyl enthusiast for only a few weeks, I can say with confidence that "the crackle" is all its crackled up to be (no pun intended hehe). If you like music, buy a record player. You seriously will not regret it.

I'm keeping it short.

goodbye.


TD

MM: Book It!

(In reference to the title of this post...I hope there are some people out there who know/remember what Book It is.  Basically: Read books --> Get free personal pan pizzas from Pizza Hut.  A second-grader's only motivation to read anything.)

I am going to jump back into the blogosphere with a post on something we have yet to address here on The Stairs (I think)…books. With summer here, many people are looking for a good book to read on the beach or in their backyard as they soak up the UV rays necessary to get that coveted tan/sunburn that will turn tan (or if you are Irish like me, sunburn that will turn back to pale splattered with freckles). Apologies to those who are too cool for school and have “I don’t read” under Books on Facebook…I’ve attached some pictures to help you through this one.

NOTE: I have recently made it my mission to read as many “good” books as possible from now on. While my definition may differ from yours, by “good” I mean “not Nicholas Sparks or anything along those lines.” I know his books are worshipped by a majority of women ages 16 and up, but after reading The Wedding and predicting the ending a couple chapters in, I cannot give the guy any respect. There are only so many times you can write the typical romantic novel, and 14 times is simply overkill. So while Taylor, Pat, and Joey have embraced the music/movie snob roles on The Stairs, I’ll step in as the book snob, a.k.a. the nerd. I’m a bit behind on what is new and noteworthy but these ones are all from the 2000s. With that said, here are some books I have recently read that you should too:

1. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer

Props to Joey Guisto on this one, who suggested I read it after he devoured it during our two-week journey around the South Island of New Zealand. I had never heard of the book or the author before, though I had heard of the movie based on his first novel, Everything is Illuminated (which I intend to read soon). Foer’s story of nine-year-old Oskar Schell searching for the lock that matches a key he found in his dead father’s office is a hilarious, heart-wrenching, and inspiring work which I can only sum up as “weird,” but in a good way. Foer uses a bunch of unconventional methods to frame his story, from one-word pages to run-on sentences to pictures (like the doorknob below) to stream-of-consciousness letters and passages that allow the reader to look into the minds of various characters in the book. See if you are not hooked after the first few sentences, which introduce you to the mind of Oskar:

“What about a teakettle? What if the spout opened and closed when the steam came out, so it would become a mouth, and it could whistle pretty melodies, or do Shakespeare, or just crack up with me? I could invent a teakettle that reads in Dad's voice, so I could fall asleep, or maybe a set of kettles that sings the chorus of 'Yellow Submarine,' which is a song by the Beatles, who I love, because entomology is one of my raisons d'etre, which is a French expression that I know.”

2. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon

Chabon has quite a way with words in this story of two cousins (Sammy and Joe) who create a comic book chronicling the adventures of The Escapist, a superhero with powers to escape pretty much any situation. The Escapist is able to overcome the obstacles that the two boys are still trying to defeat in their lives, from Sammy being crippled from polio to Joe trying to rescue his family from the clutches of the Nazis in Prague. The interesting thing about this novel is that there is a story within the story. Chabon crafts the characters of Sammy and Joe and the people around them with great detail, and still manages to thoroughly highlight the legends of The Escapist, from his birth into superherodom (I think I made that word up) to his escaping abilities to his superhero counterparts. And there is more to the story than comics, for those like me who have never picked up a comic book in their life. There’s humor, there’s romance, there’s sadness – all the essential ingredients for a book that will stick with you after you’ve read the last word.

3. The Road by Cormac McCarthy

Not really a summery book by any means, but I feel impelled to put it on here. Save it for a rainy day (you’ll only need one to finish this). You’ve most likely heard of The Road -- it was released on the big screen back in December. I have yet to see the movie so I cannot say if the book is anything like it, but whether or not you liked the movie, you MUST read the book. It is dark, it is depressing, it is scary, but somehow at the end it leaves you inspired (though still incredibly sad). McCarthy writes so honestly – he doesn’t mess around with flowery language or sappy, over-the-top dialogue; everything is to-the-point and essential to the plot. He connects you to the two main characters – a father and his son – and enables you to sympathize with them as they travel in search of a safe haven in a world on the brink of non-existence, even though you never know their names. As a book that has won the Pulitzer Prize and has made it to the top of countless “Books of the Decade” lists, I highly recommd it.

Not quite The Road

That is all for now…more to come soon for all you bookworms out there.

Peace out!

Meag