MM: Oh Crap! My Book Just Died...I Gotta Go Plug It In And Recharge!

The title to this post is a sentence that was never meant to be spoken in the past, present, or future of the universe.

I’m starting to realize that almost all of my posts on The Stairs are me complaining about change. I apologize. But I feel very strongly about this so here we go again…

A few days ago I went to Barnes and Noble with my mom because I wanted to buy a book and I knew if I went with her she would offer to buy it and I would insist that “no, no, I got it, don’t worry about it,” and then she still wouldn’t let me pay for it and I would get a free book. Win!

Anyway, we walked into the store and were greeted by a giant display counter with Nook stuff all over the place. For anyone who is not in-the-know on the latest technology, the Nook is this small rectangular device on which you can buy and read books. That’s about as technical as I can get describing it without making a fool of myself, but I can explain it in plenty of other ways. A tragedy in the world of literature. The end of books as we know it. One of the many steps society is taking toward a future of lazy, boneless individuals who are unaware of the simple pleasures of the world around them. Picture the future depicted in WALL-E. That’s what we’re headed for. All because of the Nook. (Let’s just hope WALL-E and Eeeeeeevvvvvaaaa will be around to save us from imprisonment within our lifeless bodies and unstimulated minds.)

My mom had been considering looking into buying one of these satanic devices for a while, so the display grabbed her attention. I made the mistake of abandoning her to go search for my book, and returned to find a Barnes and Noble employee asking her which cover she would like for her new Nook. NOOOOO!!!!!!

I’ll admit; the Nook guy was pretty convincing. If I wasn’t so opposed to change and a little bit less poor, I probably would’ve been walking out of there with a Nook too. My mom ate up everything he said, but my skepticism and love for books had me rolling my eyes as he exclaimed that you could buy a book in seconds and that it didn’t hurt your eyes and that it had a built-in dictionary. I got the impression the guy didn’t like me very much. But whatever, I will never turn to the Dark Side.

Unfortunately, for my mom to get anything out of her new Nook, she needed me to help her set it up. As most of you know, parents and technology should never be combined. While I didn’t want to enable the use of this blasphemous purchase, my mom had bought me a book before we left the store, and she would be providing me dinner for the next week, so I begrudgingly set up the device. I got to know the thing pretty well, so I think I am informed enough to argue against it. Here are just a few of my problems with the Nook and eBooks in general:

BOOK vs. NOOK

Something tells me the Monster Book of Monsters
 wouldn't be the same as an eBook

1. The Nook can hold up to 1500 books and if you somehow own more than 1500 books there’s some backup archive thing so no worries!

That’s all fine and great, but it’s no replacement for an actual library. How are you supposed to build up a façade of intelligence and sophistication with shelves of Hemingway and Tolstoy and Faulkner for all the people that walk into your home if your books are contained inside 8x5 computer? Buying a Nook means you forgo the colorful covers and spines that give your book character and an identity. The Nook makes your favorite book just a few megabytes in a digital database that no one will ever see.

2. The Nook makes life easier for you: no need to lug heavy books around or even use the energy to turn pages! And you no longer have to get up off the couch and drive to your nearest bookstore the buy a book – just power up your Nook and download it in seconds!

It is true that the Nook does make reading-on-the-go way easier. There have been many times when I couldn’t decide which book I wanted to bring along on a journey, so I brought two or three, which take up a good amount of space in my bag. And the fact that you can put all your textbooks on it is pretty convenient. I cannot deny any of this. But I think having a backpack bursting with books as you run to catch the bus builds a lot of character, especially if it splits open and spills all your precious documents into a puddle. Children are now going to grow up to be a bunch of softies that complain if they have to carry anything more than a pound father than five feet.

3. The Nook is saving the environment! Less paper equals more trees, fresher air, less trash.

Yeah it’s saving the environment, but it’s also going to take away jobs from countless people. The companies that supply the paper, the companies that make the covers, the companies that bind everything together, the companies that print everything…I’m sure I could come up with a dozen others. And going back to the previous point, by eliminating the need to go to bookstores, the Nook actually eliminates the need to even have bookstores. Soon enough, that dude that sold my mom the Nook will be sitting on his couch, unemployed, cursing the Nook he is holding in his hands because he is out of a job and cannot even afford to buy anything on the blasted device.

4. The Nook charge lasts for about 10 days worth of reading (or 20 hours!).

Twenty hours of battery life is more than I would have estimated, but the fact that you have to recharge your book still baffles my mind. Like every piece of technology, the battery life will deteriorate and the system will start to lag and you’ll probably have to return it or get it fixed at least twice. This is not how reading is supposed to work! You’re supposed to be able to take books on the beach without worrying about getting sand on them. If you get caught in a thunderstorm and your book gets wet, that’s unfortunate but once you let it dry it has a nice weathered look to it and is still completely readable. Dropping your nook in some sand or dirt probably won’t end too well. In fact, I would guess dropping it at all isn’t advisable. And spill some water on it you’re out $150.

5. The Nook offers so many things that books never could: digital lending, a built-in dictionary, Wi-Fi that gives you instant access to pretty much every book ever written…

Here’s where I just throw up my arms and turn into an old person who says “what is this world coming too!? Back in the good ol’ days we drove to the library if we didn’t want to buy a book. Or we’d borrow one from friends. Or we’d save up and go to the bookstore and browse the shelves with the physical books right before our very eyes. Shelves and shelves of thousands of books! It was quite the sight…”

The dictionary is pretty cool though. But there’s always Google. Or an actual dictionary but that’s something that our grandparents can lament the obsoleteness off.

My main point is this: Nooks take away what books actually are – binded pages that tell a story. The essential parts of the book-reading experience are opening up to that first page, turning each one as you feel it beneath your fingertips, leaving a ticket stub or receipt in the spot you stopped reading. All of this disappears with the Nook. You have to press a power button to read your book. This is just absurd, I cannot put it any more eloquently. No matter how many times you read your favorite book on a Nook, it will never show the wear and tear and love that that book received. No more bent spines or dog-eared pages or coffee stains. Just an impersonal, weightless file on a computer.

To each his own, I guess. My mom is so proud of being more technologically advanced than me and makes a big show of stretching out on the couch and powering up her Nook every night when she reads. She’s happy, so I’ll let this particular Nook customer slide. But if you run across me ten years from now sitting on a bench reading from a Nook, please slap me in the face, steal it, and throw it in the nearest trashcan or body of water. I’ll be eternally greatful, I’m sure.

Peace out!

Meag