CR: Supermodel Size Me!!!!

As I began the process of trying to stuff all my super cool and non-trendy clothing into my two suitcasi(plural), I ask my self why does “the system” always passively hint that less is more? Why should I be troubled in choosing whether to bring my 35 lb dumbbells or to compromise with 35 lbs of shirts? This is not fair. Airlines…highly influenced by Big Gov’t is subtly making us make decisions about size all the time; leaning heavily to the side of thin is in-fat is a sin. The idea of smaller is spreading venom into the houses of Americans like you and I.

Today America is obsessed with the concept of slim and minute( pronounced minute) . Technology for instance has forgotten that size is a good thing when it comes to capacity. For example in the computer world the larger DELL shells are being abandoned for those of lightweight ultrathin!! MACs… Furthermore Vhs is no longer fit enough to entertain us DVDs are sexier and shinier. . McDonald’s Happy meals are tiny (this could be the fact they appeared larger when I was a child and I am stuck with that same perception but who cares they are smaller.

Remember the days when you and your friends played tag in the back seats (get your minds out of the gutters) of those Suburbans; you had your own mobile playground. Now you must strategize your departures from buildings to be the first to say “Shotgun, no blitz, no Jedi guns, no punches to the back of the neck( ps Jerry things my back of the neck is ugly…yeah I just don’t understand)” so as not be the one cramped in the back of Dad’s hip new smart car. I recall my days of elementary school when my peers and I had to read complete volumes of Encyclopedias for HW( every child should have to do this by the way its a great way to stay out of trouble and learn about obscure things that you can bring up in casual conversation making yourself seem a lot cooler than everyone else)...nowadays US weekly and People magazine are chosen summer reading. It might be a quality quantity debate but larger is always better in my mind.

I feel like I’m losing you guys so let’s role play a little bit. I’ll be Guy 1 an angry Dell customer calling to try to fix his laptop ,and you can be Dude 2 informally known as John- a masked agent of Corporations trying to portray himself as a caring, flag waving American.

Guy 1:“Oh oh where’s my iPod?? {worried}”

Dude 2:“What I thought it was too small to be anything and threw it away?{said with shock and a hint of malice}

Guy 1:“Oh darn I should have stuck with my walkman and burned CDs.{ Said with defeat while snapping fingers}”

Bro 3:“CDs nuts!! Hahaha{ JAJAJAJA}”

Well I’m sure this has happened to all of you or at least one of you. So how convenient is buying a new Ipod?? It’s not… Guy 1 would never have lost his walkman because it’s bigger and obviously used to play hot beats; and if he avoided farting on Dude 2’s pillow.

IN CONCLUSION:

Yeah I’m gonna follow the baggage weight policy and not eat breakfast or lunch so as to make my fighting weight of 191. Sure, I decided on packing 35 lbs of clothes instead of my dumbbells. This might seem counter intuitive but who cares bc I'm a simple boy stuffed into a 72 inch total dimensional suitcase known as society. You can’t always get whatcha want, you can’t always get want you need (The Rolling Stones are who you are thinking of). It’s because conformity trumps positive self image ever time, that is why I write this; so as to shine some light on those two kids making out during AVATAR…show some respect for James Cameron. Come on!! Those kids represent rebellion and fighting the system. Don’t be like them because it ruins great blockbusters/oscar nominated motion pictures such as Avatar( Avatar symbolizing all the embodies America).

So pack light, go on Nutri-system, buy iPads, but do take extenze (hypocrites). Fight the system!! The next time you see something tangible (not something like a rule or policy because they aren’t tangible) that you feel doesn’t reflect the true spirit of our founding Fathers, grab it firmly and accelerate it toward the ground. Though this action means nothing except you owe someone a new very expensive iMac. Damn it!

Note: None of the following represent the views or opinions of the writers, editor, publishers, sponsors, Roman Catholic Church, or Brian Fellows. These views should not be associated with Chris Robinson in anyway.